Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Blog Directory

New blogs submitted

2010-02-01T04:11:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers

A Baby Named Nathan*
Send Me A Lifeboat*
Faith, Hope and Loving Audrey
Isaac's Journey*
Whispers to my Butterfly*
Surviving Without My Little Man*

New blogs submitted

2010-01-29T04:23:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Holding on 'Cause I Can't Let Go
Footprints On Our Hearts
The Parker's Paradise*
Loving Cora Rei*
Hope after Miscarriage
Life, Love & Persuit of Our Fairytale
Gott Joy!*
A Dragonfly's Embrace
Our Lives Forever Changed

We have a backlog going back to November, so once again apologies for the time it takes to get through all the new blogs submitted.

The Schuyler Blanket Project

2010-01-08T06:50:00.000-08:00

The Schuyler Blanket Project started on Ravelry (a knitting and crochet website) this summer when Tammany lost her beautiful baby daughter Schuyler Brynne. Many knitters and crocheters on the website got together and each made a square for a blanket for Tammany, in memory of Schuyler. Tammany knew that this lovely effort would bring comfort to other bereaved parents as well, and thus the Schuyler Blanket Project was born.

Quite a few blankets have already been made and delivered to grieving parents. Typically the squares are 8x8 inches, made of any washable fiber in any colors you would prefer. There are hints and suggestions on the project blog.

The link above and on the sidebar here is to the project blog, though most of the work is currently coordinated through a group on Ravelry. Rav is currently by membership only, though membership is free -- you just have to sign up. If you are interested in the fiber arts and not yet a member there, I suggest you sign up as it is a real treat.

Welcome to the following bloggers

2009-11-04T11:35:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

b-loss-om
How I Really Feel*
Hopeful Heart*
Too Beautiful For Earth*
Living By Faith
Cradles and Graves*
My Healing Heart*
Stay at Home Mommy Daze*
Ella's Halo

Premature Births Are Fueling Higher Rates of Infant Mortality in U.S

2009-11-04T11:30:00.000-08:00

Premature Births Are Fueling Higher Rates of Infant Mortality in U.S., Report Says
By DENISE GRADY
Published: November 3, 2009

High rates of premature birth are the main reason the United States has higher infant mortality than do many other rich countries, government researchers reported Tuesday in their first detailed analysis of a longstanding problem.

In Sweden, for instance, 6.3 percent of births were premature, compared with 12.4 percent in the United States in 2005, the latest year for which international rankings are available. Infant mortality also differed markedly: for every 1,000 births in the United States, 6.9 infants died before they turned 1, compared with 2.4 in Sweden. Twenty-nine other countries also had lower rates.

If the United States could match Sweden’s prematurity rate, the new report said, “nearly 8,000 infant deaths would be averted each year, and the U.S. infant mortality rate would be one-third lower.”

The first author of the report, Marian F. MacDorman, a statistician at the National Center for Health Statistics, said in an interview that the strong role prematurity played came as a surprise to her. More

New Blogs Recently Submitted

2009-10-16T12:09:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

2009-10-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Light a candle at 7pm in all timezones to create a continuous wave of light across the world.

See www.october15th.com for more information.

New Blogs Recently Submitted

2009-10-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

This clears our summer backlog. If you have submitted your blog and it doesn't yet appear, please email again.

New Blogs Recently Submitted

2009-10-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

We still have a backlog of blogs to add. Your patience is appreciated.

New Blogs Recently Submitted

2009-10-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

This clears the backlog of emails to June 2009 only. We will continue to endeavor to catch up on emails through the course of the weekend.

Newly Introduced Legislation will Support Education and Prevention Efforts for Stillbirth, SIDS and other Sudden, Unexpected Infant Deaths (SUID)

2009-07-17T13:55:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone-

I am writing you to ask for you to take 5 minutes today to support a very important piece of stillbirth/SIDS legislation that was introduced into Congress yesterday. As you may know, I traveled to DC twice in the last two years to advocate for stillbirth legislation -- some of you supported me in making those trips (thank you!!!). As a result of a visit I made (along with three other mothers and a doctor from First Candle) with a staffer from Obama's office (before he was president), a piece of legislation was drafted by his office. He became President before it could get any traction, but he hand-delivered it to Sen. Lautenberg and asked him to take it on. That revised bill was finally introduced yesterday, along with a companion bill in the House.

On behalf of the hundreds of families I have written about over the last four years, and in remembrance of Avery, I ask you to contact your Congressional Representatives (a total of three emails and/or phone calls) to implore them to support the Stillbirth and SUID Prevention, Education and Awareness Act of 2009 and become co-sponsors. The bill would expand activities to identify the causes of stillbirth, identify ways to prevent it in the future and increase education and awareness about the issue among healthcare providers and parents. Below are links:-To find out the contact info of your Rep/Senators by typing in your zip code. -A fact sheet about the bills-A sample letter you can cut and paste in an email to make it simple. Including your own story is also helpful!

In order for this bill to have a chance at passing, we need as many co-sponsors as possible. That means getting support from all over the country, so I am also asking you to email this to anyone else you think can help and/or post this on your web/social networking site. You can also just post the link to First Candle www.firstcandle.org.

Please take 5 minutes to show your support for the bill right now...early support is key at getting momentum going.

Thank you for reading this...and for considering my request. I don't usually ask people to take political action and I sometimes feel uncomfortable when others ask me to do so, so I can understand if you would rather not get involved. But if you want to and don't have the time today, please consider doing it as soon as you can.

With deep gratitude, Suzanne

Newly Introduced Legislation will Support Education and Prevention Efforts for Stillbirth, SIDS and other Sudden, Unexpected Infant Deaths (SUID)

First Candle is pleased to announce that the Stillbirth and SUID Prevention, Education and Awareness Act of 2009 was filed July 14 by Senator Frank Lautenberg, D-NJ. A companion bill was filed in the House by Frank Pallone, Jr., D-NJ-6. This bill would improve the collection of critical data to determine the causes of stillbirth SIDS and SUID, increase education and awareness about how to prevent these tragedies in the future and expand support services for families who have experienced a stillbirth, SIDS or SUID loss.

Every year there are more than 25,000 stillbirths in the United States. For more than half these deaths there is no known cause, leaving parents with more questions than answers as to why the baby died. The bill would expand activities to identify the causes of stillbirth, identify ways to prevent it in the future and increase education and awareness about the issue among healthcare providers and parents. In addition, there are more than 4,600 sudden unexpected infant deaths each year (including SIDS) and 200 sudden unexpected deaths of children between the ages of one and four. This bill encourages states to complete scene investigations to better understand why these children died, establishes a national database to track these deaths and identify risk factors to prevent them in the future, supports more comprehensive reviews and creates a national public awareness campaign to educate parents and caregivers.

We hope you will join us in supporting this legislation.

Please help by contacting your representative in the House and two Senators within the next week, urging them to co-sponsor this important bill.

The more co-sponsors the bill gets, the more likely it is to pass quickly through the House and Senate.

Participating in First Candle’s letter-writing campaign is easy!

Visit www.house.gov to get contact information for the Congressman in your District. You will need your 9-digit zip code. If you do not know your 4 digit extension, you can get it at http://www.z2systems.com/nps//servlet/DisplayLink?orgId=fc&emailId=306112&linkId=2591&targetUrl=http://zip4.usps.com/zip4/welcome.jsp.
You will then be able link directly to your Representative’s website.

Visit www.senate.gov to get contact information for your states two Senators. Simply select your state from the drop down menu to connect to your Senators’ websites.

We encourage you to call your representatives directly, or set up an appointment to meet with them face-to-face. Writing a letter or sending an email can be effective as well. Emails can be sent directly through your representatives’ websites.

We have provided a Fact Sheet about the bill, as well as a sample letter to help guide you.
Whether you are writing a letter or speaking with your representatives directly, be sure to include your personal story.

First Candle would love to receive a copy of your letter or an email detailing your conversation with your representatives for our files.

Members of Congress rely on input from their constituents to help them better understand what issues are important to those they serve. Help give our babies a voice!

Please feel free to contact Laura Reno, 800.221.7437 or laura.reno@firstcandle.org with any questions you may have.

New blogs submitted

2009-07-17T13:33:00.000-07:00

Oh my - it's been a long time since this directory was updated. Please bear with us whilst the backlog of emails is cleared.

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Happily Henninger
Angel Seashore
Grace Ola; Learning about grace, living life*
This Path I'm Walking
Twists of Fate
Maybe Baby*
Moving on from miscarriage

New blogs submitted

2009-05-16T00:57:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground*
Caring for Carleigh*
In Memory of Johnny Giovanni*
Babymaking 101
The Ehrlich's (Our lives in a nutshell)*

and a new resource in Online Links:

Miscarriages*

New blogs submitted

2009-05-09T13:13:00.001-07:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers who recently submitted their blogs

My Yellow Brick Road Has Potholes*
Making Coyne
Still Serving HIM Through The Storm*
West Temple Life
2 Feet on Earth 1 in the Stars*

and the following resource has been added:

Noah's Rainbow: A Father's emotional journey from the death of his son to the birth of his daughter. By David Fleming

New Blogs Submitted

2009-04-23T19:35:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers, who have submitted their blogs in the past few months:

Saving Babies' Lives Report - Sands UK

2009-03-03T12:53:00.000-08:00

Sands UK

Countdown to Parliament
28.02.09

On Wednesday 4th March we will be presenting our Saving Babies' Lives report which will highlight why we believe that in many cases the devastating impact of the death of a baby on the parents, their families and friends could be prevented.

The overriding message from Sands and the thousands of parents who are supporting the Why17? campaign is that the deaths of 17 babies a day in the UK is totally unacceptable. What we want to see is a clear acknowledgement of the seriousness and extent of the problem and a real, collaborative commitment to address these individual tragedies as a matter of urgency and priority.

The Why 17? campaign parliamentary launch, is an important event in the Sands calendar and will be hosted by Anne Milton MP, between 4pm and 6pm at the House of Commons.
This will give us the opportunity to raise awareness of Sands amongst key parliamentarians, as well as to present our Saving Babies’ Lives Report 2009. This new Report, being published and launched on 4th March calls for a co-ordinated, national strategy to tackle stillbirths and neonatal deaths, and the political will to prioritise the lives of babies as an urgent health issue.

There are many people who have been instrumental to the Why17? campaign. To all those families, staff, volunteers and supporters of Sands who have backed the Why17? campaign since its inception, you are the driving force behind the campaign and our thanks go out to each and every one of you.

Together we can make a difference.

New blogs submitted

2009-03-02T00:20:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Here Am I*
Why Can't I Stay Pregnant?*
Miranda The Butterfly
It Only Hurts When I Breathe*
In The River*
A Journey Through Loss*
Semi-fertile: When The Egg Is Willing But The Womb Is Weak

New blogs submitted

2009-02-07T04:12:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Lala Land*
Rachels Ramblings 365
Today I Crawled Out From Under My Rock
Trying to Believe in Miracles
EllisJane

Upcoming UK News Story

2009-02-03T12:16:00.000-08:00

The following request for participation was recently submitted:

I am a freelance journalist researching a story for a national UK publication about how blogging helps mothers deal with the loss of a child. The purpose of the article is to highlight how blogs can go some way towards dealing with grief by providing an outlet for thoughts and feelings as well as building a support network via the larger blogging community. This is a subject that, to the best of my knowledge, gets little attention in the mainstream media but I have definite interest from an editor and the story ought to be helpful in publicizing baby loss blogs, particularly in the UK. I understand that this is a very delicate matter and I would like to stress that I do not intend to probe any areas that a family deems private. If you are a UK blogger and would like to discuss this a little further I would be happy to answer any concerns you might have. I can be reached via email at pdberger AT gmail DOT com.

Paul Berger.

New blogs submitted

2009-01-31T10:46:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Life Without Clarence*
Our Cup Runneth Over
Kirchink
Carly Nicole Elliotte My Micro-Preemie and Hannah Kathlean Elliotte...My angel in heaven
By the pricking of my thumbs

New blogs submitted

2009-01-30T09:26:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

One in my heart and one in my arms*
Tuesday's Hope
Overeducated Mommy*
Embracing My Life*
Heart Heal Hope*
The Real Bean

New blogs submitted

2009-01-26T17:18:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

From Valleys to Rivers*
burble
Missing Eliana
life without my baby
Into The West
The Great Umbrella Heist*
Until we meet again...
Forever in our Hearts*
loving, living and loss*
STILL
Departed Angel
Are we there yet??*
aurelia ann*
November I will Always Remember
Everything Is Under Control*

New blogs submitted

2009-01-26T11:15:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Thoughts From A Grieving Mother*
From The Grid And Beyond*
Harry Line*
Life and Love in the Petri Dish
Because You Never Know
Tiny Footprints*
Surrender*

New blogs submitted

2009-01-25T07:37:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers

Dan, Hillary, and Little Russell
A Garden For Butterflies
Infant Loss- Past, Present, Future
A Lifetime of Love
Shareapy
He Will Carry Me
California is Calling
Angels Brielle and Natalie
More Love to Thee

If you sent an email and your blog hasn't been added yet, apologies. Please bear with us as we work together to catch up on a backlog of emails.

First person

2009-01-11T00:33:00.000-08:00

When Thelma Williams' baby died at birth, his body was whisked away and he wasn't spoken of again. It took 40 years to confront her grief and finally give a name to her lost child - James
As told to Kate Hilpern

The Guardian, Saturday 10 January 2009

I know I'm not the first woman to have found something she would rather not have discovered in her husband's suit pocket. In my case, it was a notification of the burial of our son. I didn't even know he had been buried until that moment. I had been told when I was six months pregnant that he would die the moment he left my body and somehow I just accepted it when he was whisked away and never spoken of again. This was the 1960s. You didn't talk about such things.

At least, I think it was the 1960s. That's the thing. It could have been 1970. I couldn't tell you what day it was, what season, let alone which year - such was my determination to follow the advice and forget, a task only momentarily but acutely interrupted by the burial slip.
We had another baby later on. I did everything they told me, resting almost solidly for nine months. On 26 December 1971, in the afternoon, Emma was born, a beautiful little girl weighing 7lb 13oz. Home we went with joy in our hearts and everything ahead of us.

It was only when Emma had her own baby, Millie, that it hit me. They say time heals, but there has been nothing chronological about my journey of grief. Nor anything predictable. Out of nowhere it came, threatening to drive a wedge between me and my granddaughter, a granddaughter I had loved unconditionally from the moment I knew she was conceived. But love is different from bonding, I have learned. Bonding is something I could not do with Millie until I acknowledged the loss of my baby boy. And when I had done that - and at last found a place for him to rest in my consciousness - I discovered a bond closer than I could have imagined.

It was 2004, the year before I turned 70, that Emma became pregnant. It was such wonderful news and at first I accepted my niggles of fear as normal. Doesn't every mother of a pregnant daughter worry like mad that everything will be all right? But my anxiety kept growing. Emma knew the reason immediately. Once she reached adolescence, I told her about my stillbirth. She had wanted to know why she had no brothers and sisters. I had surprised myself with how "together" I sounded when I spoke of it. I could relay the facts - facts of which I had hardly mentioned in decades - without a tear in my eye and after I told Emma, I found I could tell others too. Provided I stuck to the facts - and didn't enter the realm of feelings - I sounded like a survivor.

Emma knows me very well and as the weeks of her pregnancy totted up, she spotted the cracks in my shield. She wanted to protect me, to reassure me that everything was OK, but understandably she was starting to feel anxious too. Could what had happened to me happen to her too?

We spoke to the midwife and the specialist. They assured us that all was well. The specialist knew about the condition that befell me when I was pregnant and was shocked to hear how I was treated. He used the word barbaric. He asked if I would like to see the scan of Emma's baby for myself, so I could feel comforted. I did see the scan but I didn't feel comforted. More

My First Son, a Pure Memory

2008-11-08T06:37:00.000-08:00

By DAVID HLAVSA
Published: September 19, 2008

HAVING waited until we were in our 30s to start a family, my wife and I were having trouble conceiving, leading to sperm tests, hormone shots and other extraordinary measures.

Over many months, the process of conception became so technical that when Lisa told me she was at last pregnant, I found it hard to know what to credit. After the first ultrasound, she came home with a black-and-white picture of a tiny curled-up creature. We put it on the refrigerator: my son, the lima bean.

At 20 weeks, we went in together for the second ultrasound. The technician made small talk and popped his gum as he dimmed the lights. Lisa lay back on the table. I shifted in my seat, jammed my hands into my pockets, and stretched out my legs like a teenager settling in to watch a movie. As the technician slid the paddle around on Lisa’s belly, the image on the computer screen wheeled, dipped and blurred.

Finally my son’s image popped into focus. Arms and legs folded, he seemed to be resting on his back, as if lying on the bottom of a pool, waiting to spring to the surface.

I said, “Cool.”

The technician muttered something, hit a button to freeze the image and walked briskly out of the room.

A few minutes later, in walked a small man wearing a rumpled white coat and steel-rimmed glasses, his bow tie askew. He shut the door behind him.

I don’t remember exactly what he said; he looked as if someone had left him out in the rain. What we had taken for a frozen image, he explained, was in fact absolute stillness.

We still refer to the man as Doctor Death, perpetually forlorn, always breaking bad news. They keep him in a closet. (A year later, pregnant with our second son, Benjamin, my wife turned a corner at the hospital and saw him at a nurses’ station; she did an abrupt, involuntary about-face.)

After Doctor Death left, our midwife arrived to explain that we had a decision to make. Did we want to schedule a D and C or induce labor? Her language was very plain, but it took a while for me to understand what she was really asking: Did we want the pregnancy to end in a surgical procedure in the outpatient clinic, or in the maternity ward as a stillbirth? We asked whether there were medical advantages or disadvantages to either choice. She told us it was simply a matter of preference. No hurry. Let us know. More

Upcoming Documentary for Broadcast in Canada

2008-10-23T14:48:00.000-07:00

Sheona McDonald recently finished a documentary film called "Capturing A Short Life". It will broadcast on CBC Newsworld, The Lens, on December 9th, 2008 at 10pm.

Miscarriage: must doctors make our grief worse?

2008-10-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

Insensitive health workers compound the suffering caused by miscarriage, but a Mumsnet campaign aims to change matters

Belinda Benton's second pregnancy was going swimmingly - or so she thought - until she went to hospital, at 12 weeks, for a routine ultrasound scan. “On my way to the appointment I realised that I was bleeding,” she says. “When I got there they said they would go ahead with the scan and see what was happening.”

When the ultrasound equipment was switched on, says Benton, “there was just silence. No one said anything until I said, ‘There's nothing there, is there?' And the doctor burbled and eventually said, ‘No, there's no baby'.”

For Benton and her partner, the loss of their longed-for second baby was a tragedy - the scan picture showed that the foetus had stopped growing at six weeks - but there was scant sympathy from the hospital staff.

“No one offered any condolences or said they were sorry for our loss,” she remembers. “We were terribly upset, and we had to leave the same way we'd arrived, walking through a waiting room full of women waiting for scans. I felt awful, and the last thing these people needed was to see our devastated faces.”

Benton was told that she could have her uterus emptied surgically - “evacuation of the retained products of conception” or ERPC, in hospital parlance - or she could go home and miscarry naturally. “I asked how bad that would be and they said that it would be like a heavy period, so I thought I'd go home and wait for that,” she says.

In fact, the next few days were agony. “It was horrendous,” she says of her miscarriage three months ago. “It was like a birth. I had painful contractions; it was labour. I almost went into A&E.”

“I was given misleading information on what the experience of miscarriage was like. If I'd known how awful it was going to be, I'd have opted for surgery,” she says. “There is no help for women who are miscarrying at home - there should be someone you can phone or get advice from. I also object to the terminology - ‘evacuation of the retained products of conception' sounds horrible; they should call it something like surgical assistance around miscarriage. And there needs to be a lot more understanding on the part of health professionals that miscarriage is an emotional experience as much as a physical one. It's a huge shock, a terrible loss, and it helps to have those feelings at least acknowledged by the hospital staff with whom you come into contact.”

In recent weeks and months Benson, and hundreds of others like her, have been logging on to the parents' website Mumsnet to chart their experiences of what can seem like the uncaring, insensitive face of the NHS - doctors, nurses, midwives and protocols that appear to take no account of the pain, physical or emotional, involved in miscarriage.

To judge from the Mumsnet comments, health professionals often don't take account of the extent to which losing a baby is a personal tragedy More

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

2008-10-15T01:23:00.000-07:00

Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the US. The Wave of Light that marks the day is an international affair, something everyone can be part of. At 7pm local time, across every time zone, all are invited to join in lighting a candle in remembrance and honour of little ones loved and missed.

A wave of light around the world may only go a small way to brightening the darkness and silence of babyloss...both as an individual experience and as a taboo subject. But it is a beginning. May the light illuminate and honour, and if it is bright enough, foster discussion, research and prevention, empathy, and support for those who grieve.

In the UK: http://www.babyloss-awareness.org/

New Blogs Submitted

2008-10-09T15:27:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

Information from the National Stillbirth Society

2008-09-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

The body of evidence is growing that fetal heartbeat monitoring is an effective tool in identifying signs of a potential stillbirth before it has a chance to occur. It is the next step up from Kick Counting and looks at the baby's heartbeat in cases where the potential for loss is above average, possibly due to an earlier stillbirth. (Go to our site, www.protectyourpregnancy.com, and click on the link in the last paragraph for a pamphlet explaining the procedure available on an experimental basis from The Pregnancy Institute.)

Next go to http://www.nbc11.com/video/17479363/index.html# to see a newscast feature from NBC Channel 11 San Francisco. It is an interview with a stillbirth mother who, having lost a daughter a year ago, is using a home monitor to safeguard her current pregnancy. After testing she sends the results via the Internet to The Pregnancy Institute where they're reviewed. She is called if the printout suggest her baby is in any distress. For infomation you can email Dr. Jason Collins at haydel1@bellsouth.net.

Richard K. Olsen
Founder & Executive Director
The National Stillbirth Society
www.stillnomore.org

Blogs Recently Submitted

2008-09-20T20:11:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

A Mother's Meditation on Loss

2008-09-18T11:18:00.000-07:00

AN EXACT REPLICA OF A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION
A Memoir
By Elizabeth McCracken
Little, Brown. 184 pp. $19.99

Some friends and I used to call ourselves "The Dead Babies Club." We would meet for brunch and talk about our losses -- miscarriages, stillbirths, terminations after amnios revealed acute abnormalities. We may have been a grief-stricken lot, but we weren't going to be a silent one: We wanted to be seen, to be acknowledged, to mark these events that didn't exactly make us mothers, but made us . . . something. And so, we were willfully conspicuous, overly loud. Because we knew: No one wants to hear about your dead baby.

Elizabeth McCracken knows that, too. That's why, in her lovely, crystalline meditation on the nature of grief, motherhood, marriage and France -- a memoir occasioned by the stillbirth of her first son -- she opens with a quip: "Once upon a time, before I knew anything about the subject, a woman told me that I should write a book about the lighter side of losing a child." See, she seems to be saying, this won't be so bad. What's more, she reassures us, a healthy infant lies on her lap as she writes.

I hope those signposts are enough to ameliorate readers' aversion to the subject matter, the excuse that the book isn't for them unless they, too, have borne a dead child. After all, you don't have to be an alcoholic to love Caroline Knapp's "Drinking: A Love Story." Nor do you have to have lost your jaw to cancer to appreciate Lucy Grealy's "Autobiography of a Face." The best memoirs transcend their particulars, offer a fresh look at the bumpy terrain of sorrow, love, youthful folly, aged folly, resilience and selfhood. McCracken's is one of those, and it would be a shame to pass it by because it strikes at one's deepest fears.

The dead baby has a name, by the way: He is Pudding, one of those goofy place-holders you give a fetus after seeing its inscrutable shadow on an ultrasound screen. McCracken, author of the wonderfully weird novel "The Giant's House," tells his story, and hers, with heart and wit, but amazingly little self-pity. Like any woman who loses a child -- say, to a random comet that drops from the sky -- she strafes herself with self-blame. Our bodies, ourselves, our fault, right? Eventually, she displaces that recrimination onto the entire country of France, where she and her husband, Edward, led a classic boho writer's life before Pudding's death. Understandably, she swears she'll never go back. I imagine she will even shun French dressing, french fries, French braids. It seems a reasonable and healthy choice. More

Stillborn baby given proper funeral service by area pastor

2008-09-05T13:31:00.000-07:00

Stillborn baby given proper funeral service by area pastor
By ANNYSA JOHNSON
Posted: Aug. 19, 2008

The Rev. Debra Trakel of St. James Episcopal Church prayed for his eternal life, and a dozen strangers mourned him.

Then Bernie Schroedl, owner of Good Hope Cemetery at S. 46th St. and W. Cold Spring Road, lifted the tiny white box in which Michael’s body lay and placed it in the earth.

Michael Gabriel was born still on July 4 and left unclaimed at a local hospital. As such, he is consigned to a pauper’s grave. But Trakel and the members of two area churches made sure he did not go there alone.

“We come together as a community to claim this child for God,” said Trakel, who has volunteered her prayers at 66 funerals for those abandoned or forgotten in Milwaukee County over the last four years.

Tuesday’s was her first service for a child.

“No one should be buried alone,” she said.

Trakel began her funeral ministry in 2004 after reading a newspaper article about a homeless man who died of exposure in a parked van.

Her own church ministers to the homeless, feeding as many as 300 people a day, she said. But she realized that she’d never pondered the question: What happens to them when they die?
What happens, she said, is that the county arranges for their burial, but no service. In most cases, family or friends come forward to remember their dead. But there are always those who have no one.

It is for them that Trakel gathers, with members of St. James in Milwaukee and Trinity Episcopal Church in Wauwatosa, to pray at the graveside.

They gathered Tuesday around the tiny white box adorned with a single stem of black-eyed Susans. Many of the people wept as Trakel reflected on this life unlived. He had no legal name, but they called him Michael Gabriel, from the Hebrew words for “who is like God” and “man of God.”

“This child, the perfect innocent, is with God,” Trakel said. “Where else could he possibly be?”
Joanne Oliver of Trinity, who buried her own newborn son 27 years ago, struggled through tears to recite the Episcopal Prayer at the burial of a child.

Schroedl lifted the box into the grave and, on his knees, shoveled the dirt inside.

Michael Gabriel’s name will be inscribed in a plaque at St. James Church, 833 W. Wisconsin Ave., along with all the other indigent Milwaukee residents whose funerals Trakel has presided over.
Trakel knows there are people who will judge this child’s mother, but she will not.

“My belief is there is a mother out there who is grieving, who for some reason — whether emotional or financial — couldn’t handle the burial of this child,” Trakel said.

“My hope is that she knows her child was buried well, by people who shed tears for him, people for whom his birth and death mattered.”

MISS Foundation Update

2008-08-16T19:43:00.000-07:00

A message from MISS Foundation Legislative Liaisons, Richard May and Kelli Montgomery re: Stillbirth Collaborative Research Network‏

Dear Friends of the MISS Foundation,

The following is an update on both the stillbirth research, the politics regarding the appropriations for stillbirth research through the NICHD and the NIH and the grassroots advocacy for MISS members to execute to help address stillbirths in America.

Regarding the Stillbirth Collaborative Research Network pioneering five-year research study on stillbirths, I recently spoke with the lead research scientist Dr. Uma Reddy and have prepared an update on the status of their research.

The 500 stillbirths necessary for the study is about to be complete. As a consequence, the SCRN will need two more years and funding to complete the analysis from the 500 stillbirths researched.

They have already received a small funding extension as the appropriations from NICHD has been spent from the 2002 $3 million appropriations. The stillbirth research will help determine how stillbirths are reported, to find out better ways to determine the cause, and, better yet, to find better ways to prevent future stillbirths.

The research has also prompted the necessity and funding to:
1. Complete the analysis from the current study.
2. Conduct a follow up study from the mothers and parents of the stillbirths regarding their next pregnancy and/or their psychological state from their stillbirth and the best ways to address both.
3. Conduct a comprehensive study of 10,000 women in their first pregnancies to better predict the stillbirth possibility and/or risks of stillbirths.

Regarding the politics of stillbirth appropriations, the following is generated from a series of conversations with congressional appropriations staff members.

In 2007, the NIH Appropriations bills (both Senate and House) inserted legislative language directing the National Institute of Health (NIH) through the National Institute of Child Health & Human Development (NICHD) Agency to dedicate funds to continue the research and analysis regarding stillbirths in America. The language was inserted, in part, due to the great grassroots advocacy from MISS members throughout America supporting further stillbirth research appropriations from the U.S. Congress. The problem, though, is that President Bush vetoed the bill and threatened the veto again this year forcing Congress to pass a continuing resolution to appropriate the NIH and NICHD at the same levels as 2006.

Therefore, the congressional directive was never enacted and the stillbirth research is coming to a close needing funds for the next level of research,analysis and action. We are waiting until next year to put the pressure on Congress through the MISS membership and grassroots advocacy when we have a President who is much more sympathetic to the stillbirth concerns. Both Sen. McCain and Sen. Obama have expressed their public desire and/or action in supporting such research and not vetoing the appropriations thereof.

In the meantime, we need the commitment of all of those Congress members running for re-election to support the continued research and analysis of this pioneering study. We need all MISS members to contact their U.S. Senators and Congress members NOW during the upcoming election season asking for their support to insert NIH/NICHD appropriations directive language supporting the continued funding of the Stillbirth Research Collaborative Network's research, analysis and recommendations.

********************************************

Here are the key points in a sample letter that you may use or refer to:

Dear Senator/Congress Member,

I am your constituent requesting your support for NIH/NICHD appropriations of the Stillbirth Collaborative Research Network's continued stillbirth research project through appropriations and appropriations directive language instructing the NIH/NICHD to fully fund the continued SCRN's Stillbirth Research Project.

Stillbirths are the number one cause of infant deaths in America. According to the Bureau of Vital Statistics and the Center for Disease Control, stillbirths account for 25,000 - 30,000 infant deaths in America every year. Stillbirths account for 10 times the number of deaths than SIDS yet stillbirths are still unknown, undocumented and not properly addressed by the medical community or our public health system in America. In 2003, Congress appropriated a $3 million pioneering stillbirth study by the Stillbirth Collaborative Research Network through the NICHD under the NIH. Now, that study has been completed and Congress needs to address its follow-up and further appropriations to analyze and address the research conclusions. Therefore, as your constituent, I am asking you to support the further and continued NIH/NICHD appropriations of the Stillbirth Collaborative Research Network's stillbirth research project through appropriations and appropriations directive language instructing the NIH/NICHD to fully fund the continued stillbirth research and analysis.

As a grieving parent whose family has suffered a tremendous loss through stillbirth, I await your response to help research and prevent the number one killer of our children in America.

Thank you on behalf of the MISS Foundation,

Name

Address (to prove you are a constituent)

Phone Number

Blogs Recently Submitted

2008-08-05T20:44:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Fundraising Request

2008-08-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

A Small Victory is a nonprofit in Washington which helps newly bereaved parents by providing families who have experienced the loss of a child, through miscarriage, stillbirth or in the first few months of life, with 'Loss Kits' which gently guide the parents in making memories with their children as well as provide them with long term support and information concerning their loss. To learn how to support their endeavours, click here or to make a donation, click here.

'No stillbirth link' to Caesarean

2008-06-07T00:45:00.000-07:00

Having a Caesarean does not raise the risk of a stillbirth in a subsequent pregnancy, a study has found.

The University of Calgary study contradicts previous research which suggested an increased risk.

The study suggests a mother's obesity - not whether she has a Caesarean - may instead be the key factor.

The study, which appears in the journal BJOG, suggests that previous research has failed to take this factor properly into account.

Our study strongly suggests that previous Caesarean section does not increase the risk of stillbirth in subsequent pregnancies

However, health professionals advise woman not to opt for a Caesarean lightly, as it is a major surgical procedure, with a risk of complications.

Researcher Dr Stephen Wood said the finding was particularly important as the number of Caesareans had increased in recent years.

He said obesity had been consistently linked to both Caesareans and stillbirths, but it had proved difficult to tease out its independent effect on each.

Confounding factors
The Calgary study examined 157,029 second births, and took potentially confounding factors, such as maternal weight, into consideration.

Once they had done that they found that, among women who had previously had a Caesarean, the stillbirth rate was 2.1 per 1,000, compared with 1.6 per 1,000 in women who had no Caesarean history - not a statistically significant difference.

The researchers admit that they were not able to completely account for maternal weight, but had done so far more than previous research.

Dr Wood said: "Our study strongly suggests that previous Caesarean section does not increase the risk of stillbirth in subsequent pregnancies.

"Although previous research has made a link between the two, it is likely that maternal obesity played a part as it was not controlled for."

Professor Philip Steer, editor-in-chief of BJOG, said: "Caesarean section rates are increasing across the developed world and the increase in risks for subsequent pregnancies have been well-documented.

"The increase in stillbirth risk previously reported was especially concerning, so it is somewhat reassuring that the study by Dr Wood and his team suggests that this may have been due to the confounding factor of maternal obesity."

Link to story

Stillbirth rate not coming down

2008-05-08T04:36:00.000-07:00

The number of stillbirths remains stubbornly high, a report says.

The Confidential Enquiry into Maternal and Child Health (CEMACH) study blames factors such as obesity, social deprivation and mother's age.

In 2006 the stillbirth rate in England, Wales and Northern Ireland was 5.3 per 1,000 total births, compared to 5.4 per 1,000 in 2000.

However, the report found there has been a reduction in the number of babies dying in the month after birth.

These neonatal deaths went from 3.9 per 1,000 live births in 2000 to 3.4 per 1,000 in 2006.

These new figures confirm that more research is desperately needed into finding the causes of stillbirth, so that more babies lives can be saved

The number of babies dying in the neonatal period from twin pregnancies has also fallen, from 22.3 per 1,000 births in 2000 to 19.3 per 1,000 births in 2006.
The report also highlights the poor uptake of post-mortem examinations for stillbirths (38% in 2006 compared with 48% in 2000) as one key reason why the cause of so many stillbirths is still unknown. More

San Fransisco Chronicle Stories

2008-04-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

CALLING ALL ANGELS

The stillbirth of a baby is a devastating occurrence. When are we going to find out why it happens? And when will we start talking about it?

THE LOSS
Life changes when you see a pair of pink lines on a pregnancy test strip. If it's good news, your life becomes a 38-week countdown to holding your future, safely swaddled in your arms. You read books, you post sonogram pictures on the fridge, you make plans for a nursery, you put your name on child care center waiting lists.

[Listen to Podcast]

You don't plan for the doctor to tell you your future has no heartbeat. You don't plan to deliver a baby who will never open his eyes. You don't plan on coming home with an urn of ashes instead of a bag of diapers. (continue reading)

HOPE WITH A HEARTBEAT

With worry a constant companion, the author embarks on another pregnancy, post-stillbirth

It can't happen again.

That's what my doctor told me. She said stillbirth is such a rare occurrence that it never happens twice.

I knew she was wrong. I'd seen the stories of women with multiple losses on online message boards. I'd read studies showing women who have had one stillbirth are at an increased risk for another.

Besides, if subsequent losses weren't possible, why designate women with a prior stillbirth as high risk or recommend increased fetal monitoring? Is it because no doctor wants to be blamed for overlooking something a second time around? Or is it because women with a loss begin to question the gap in knowledge in a system they trusted with the lives of their babies?
I didn't say anything to her. I didn't know how.

I knew my doctor said it to reassure me that this time my baby would live. She didn't want me to worry.

What she didn't realize, and what every parent who has lost a child knows to be the only hard-and-fast rule of a subsequent pregnancy, is that worry and doubt are as constant a companion as prenatal vitamins. Nothing a doctor says or does causes the worry.

It has been there since the first time I thought about getting pregnant again.

It will be there until I hold a living, breathing baby in my arms.

Nine months is a long time to wait to find out if this time it'll be different. It's hell. But hell with hope and a heartbeat. (continue reading)

Helping with a Research Project

2008-04-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

We are conducting a study about medical bad news delivery and the communication between patient and care provider. We are particularly interested in looking at communication about stillbirth diagnosis as well as parents who have had a neonatal death (death of a baby less than 28 days after birth) or a pregnancy loss diagnosis. We are hoping to learn more about this kind of communication and offer insights to care-providers about the effects of these interactions.
We would like to express our sincere sympathy for your loss. If you are interested in sharing information about your diagnosis, we invite you to fill out a questionnaire about your experiences when you were given the news of the death of your baby. The survey is confidential. Data collected will be used in completion of a master’s program at San Francisco State University.
-This study is open to men and women 18 or older.
-The study is available online at: www.surveymonkey.com/nld
For more information, email Suzanne Pullen at spullen@sfsu.edu.

New Blogs Recently Submitted

2008-04-19T19:35:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

Blogs Recently Submitted

2008-03-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

Short film

2008-02-23T01:37:00.000-08:00

You can see a short film named Stars made by Robert Stillman for his wife after the stillbirth of their son at 8 months here.

Update: thanks to the commenter who highlighted that this video has been removed. Hope some readers were able to view it before this happened.

New Finding May Help Explain Development Of Preeclampsia

2008-02-15T09:08:00.000-08:00

ScienceDaily (Feb. 11, 2008) — In a study of pregnant women, those with pregnancy-induced high blood pressure were found to have higher levels of a peptide that raises blood pressure in the pieces of tissue linking mother and fetus, according to researchers at Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center. The finding, reported online in the journal Hypertension, may help explain how the disorder develops.

Preeclampsia, or high blood pressure induced by pregnancy, affects 7 to 10 percent of pregnancies in the United States and is the second-leading cause of maternal mortality. It is the leading cause of pre-term delivery and contributes significantly to stillbirths and death in newborns.

The researchers found that in women with preeclampsia, levels of angiotensin II (Ang II), a hormone that constricts blood vessels and causes blood pressure to rise, was doubled in the chorionic villi, part of the placenta that links mother and fetus and supplies food and oxygen.

"This finding may be part of the preeclampsia puzzle," said Lauren Anton, a graduate student who is first author on the research. "Anything that gets us closer to understanding this disease is important because there is no treatment and no cure and women are still delivering babies too early."

The researchers theorize that Ang II may restrict the fetal vessels that lie within the chorionic villi, which not only raises blood pressure, but also lowers oxygen and nutrient flow to the baby and may result in lower birth weight and other complications of preeclampsia.

The study involved 21 women with preeclampsia and 25 women without the disorder. After delivery, tissue sections were taken from the center of the placenta for analysis. More

KickTrak counts baby's kicks for you

2008-02-15T09:02:00.000-08:00

February 11, 2008

The American Pregnancy Organization recommends that mothers-to- be pay close attention to the inter-uterine movements, rolls and kicks of their unborn child, as this is a good indication that all is well with their baby. If fetal movement changes significantly or there are less than ten movements within two hours it could be an indication of problems. Many obstetricians recommend daily monitoring, particularly from 26 weeks and there is good reason to do so, as stillbirths claim a shocking 70 lives per day in the United States.

Kick count is the term used to describe maternal counting and monitoring of fetal movements. It is recognized that it is a reliable and effective way to safely keep a close check on baby. Until now, kick-counting meant that mothers had to sit with pen and paper in hand to time their baby’s movements for a period of ten kicks, record the results and then compare the details with the previous timed periods. This is no easy task and most mothers can tell you about “pregnancy brain”, the total inability to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. Now they won’t need to, kickTrak is a handheld digital monitor which offers an innovative and easy solution to kick counting More

Healing and hope through stillbirth research

2008-02-03T09:16:00.000-08:00

The hardest day of Tara Adams' life was the day she returned home after giving birth last summer. Instead of carrying Kylie in her arms, Adams clung to tokens: molds of her stillborn daughter's hands, wisps of hair, a photograph. And she made plans to bury her baby.

Adams had a healthy pregnancy she felt her daughter kick just one week before her delivery one month early so one question was constant: "Why? Why would this happen?" the 31-year-old South Jordan mother of three recalls. "You almost think back, what did I do wrong? Did I do something I shouldn't have?"

To help parents nationwide seeking similar answers, the University of Utah is analyzing all stillbirths in Salt Lake County from 2006 through 2008 and attempting to pinpoint the many causes of death.

Most parents who lose their babies during pregnancy never find out the true cause. With almost 27,000 losses a year, stillbirth is 10 times more likely to happen than Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. But pregnancy loss remains largely unscrutinized in the United States. Doctors are hesitant to suggest autopsies. Insurance companies may not cover them. And there's an attitude that fetal death is "God's will," or is at least unavoidable.

For the thousands of parents who never get to bring their babies home, the research under way represents hope. Doctors can't prevent stillbirths if they don't know what caused them in the first place.

"Look at SIDS: SIDS deaths have dropped dramatically [since] they started doing research," says Rose Carlson, program director of the Missouri-based national office of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support. "People haven't focused." The U. is doing its research as one of five universities in the Stillbirth Collaborative Research

The network is attempting to answer basic questions: How often does stillbirth occur? What are the causes, and what are the best protocols to investigate the deaths? Robert Silver, chief of the U.'s division of maternal and fetal medicine and principal investigator for Utah's portion of the study, notes researchers have done a better job of preventing infant death. Infant mortality dropped 35 percent from 1985 to 2001; stillbirth rates declined just 17 percent in the same time period. More

New Blogs Recently Submitted

2008-01-23T12:06:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

Coffee "raises miscarriage risk"

2008-01-21T13:16:00.000-08:00

Pregnant women should consider avoiding caffeine, say researchers who found even moderate consumption in early pregnancy raises the miscarriage risk.

Currently, the Food Standards Agency sets an upper limit during pregnancy of 300mg - or four cups of coffee a day. But an American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology study found more than 200mg of caffeine a day doubled the risk compared to abstainers.

Experts said they would review the data to see if advice needed changing.

Pat O'Brien, consultant obstetrician and spokesman for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, said based on the findings he would now be advising women in their first 12 weeks of pregnancy to abstain from caffeine altogether.

"The first 12 weeks is a very vulnerable time for the baby. It's when most miscarriages occur," he explained.

He said most women in early pregnancy went off the taste of caffeinated drinks anyway and so should not find abstaining from them too difficult. But he said it was unclear whether pregnant women needed to avoid caffeine in later pregnancy. More

New Blogs Submitted

2008-01-20T20:36:00.000-08:00

There have been a number of new blogs submitted recently. Please know that, due to time constraints of our volunteers, they have not yet been added. However, we will add them as soon as possible, and we appreciate your patience. If you are worried that your submission was not received, please email us for confirmation.

Book deals with joy and grief of twins

2008-01-01T13:21:00.000-08:00

Book deals with joy and grief of twins
Frisco: After losing one daughter, mother chronicles feelings
12:00 AM CST on Thursday, December 27, 2007
By DAN X. McGRAW / Special Contributor to The Dallas Morning News

Jennifer Hander plays with daughters Alexa, 2, and Addison, 13 months, at their home in Frisco. Ms. Hander has published a book, A Place of Peace, about the loss of Alexa's twin, Alysa.
They show her first day and her last, and what could have been for the Hander family's first pregnancy.

But 28 days after she was born, Alysa died because of complications of twin-to-twin syndrome. Her sister, Alexa, survived.

"We thought we were having the perfect pregnancy," Jennifer Hander said. "We were scared and shocked when we found out."

As Ms. Hander cared for Alexa during the first year of her life, she chronicled her feelings of losing one of her twin daughters. This year, the Frisco mother published a book, A Place of Peace, that documents that journey.

The twins' condition was diagnosed six months into the pregnancy. The syndrome causes twins to share blood vessels throughout the pregnancy, and at some point, one baby transfers its blood to the other, Ms. Hander said.

The cause of the syndrome, which occurs only in identical twins, is not known, Ms. Hander said.
Like many new parents, the Handers were unaware of the syndrome. The twins were delivered an hour after their parents were told about it.

Doctors who delivered the twins predicted that the Handers had a 90 percent chance of losing one child and an 80 percent chance of losing both.

"We just hoped that things would be OK," Ms. Hander said.

Because of the sudden transfer of blood, Alysa was left with very little blood in her body, while Alexa had too much blood. Doctors at the Medical Center of Plano worked to correct both problems.

However, 28 days later, Alysa died in her mother's arms. During those days, Alysa suffered bleeding in her brain that proved fatal.

"You are living the two extremes," Ms. Hander said. "You are mourning the loss of one twin but celebrating the life of another. The other twin serves as the reminder of what you might have had."

Because of the critical condition of Alexa, doctors ordered Ms. Hander to remain at home for the first four months of Alexa's life, and visitors had to be diligent about washing their hands to avoid getting the baby sick, said Lex Hander, their father.

"We had to be very strict," Mr. Hander said. "It was definitely a time she [Jennifer Hander] surrendered herself."

As Ms. Hander watched Alexa, she jotted down her feelings and thoughts of losing Alysa. She began to confront her feelings head on. The journal eventually evolved into a book about her experience.

"I was hesitant to publish it at first, because it has my deepest, darkest thoughts," Ms. Hander said. "But I was able to get over that, and my hope is that people can see me as an example."
Ms. Hander said she hopes people who read the book can use it to confront their feelings of losing a twin or become educated about the syndrome.

"If I can help only one person, it was worth it."

As Alexa grows up, Ms. Hander is teaching and reminding her of her sister. Ms. Hander refers to Alysa as the other sister who is an angel to Alexa, and it isn't something she is about to give up.

"It is just something that I intend to raise her with," Ms. Hander said. "I don't want it to be something she would be distraught about later."

New Blogs Submitted

2007-12-22T14:11:00.001-08:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

My baby was put in a shared grave

2007-12-02T07:20:00.000-08:00

Years after losing her son through hospital blunders, Alvina Carrington discovered a new horror
Denis Campbell, health correspondent
Sunday December 2, 2007
The Observer

In late 2004, on a visit to her son's grave, Alvina Carrington was surprised to find fresh flowers. 'I knew I hadn't put them there, so I thought it was odd,' she recalls. But Alvina assumed a friend or member of her family had brought them, and was touched someone had made the journey to Alperton cemetery on the north-west fringes of London to remember Luke, who had been stillborn at seven months.

After his death in October 2003 Alvina's life fell apart. She had lost the first child she desperately wanted and had spent six years trying for. An appalling series of blunders by doctors and midwives meant her pre-eclampsia went unidentified, with fatal consequences. Amid the shock, grief and anger, her relationship broke up. Previously very sociable, the 33-year-old became introverted and virtually housebound. She gave up her job, unable to stop crying every night after she got home. Alvina thought she had reached the lowest point of her life.

But more than a year after that trip to the cemetery, in early 2006, she suffered another heartbreak. In the course of asking what sort of headstone she could put on Luke's grave, Alvina discovered that what she thought was her son's final resting place also contained the bodies of several other babies. The flowers were for one of them, not Luke.

'I'd rung the cemetery, told them Luke was buried there, given them the plot number and asked them what size of headstone I could erect. I'd decided that I was going to have gold lettering saying "Blue: in our hearts always", because that was the nickname I'd given him, and then 'Luke' underneath.

'That would have been the final act. But the cemetery people explained to me that it wasn't my property, that it belonged to Brent Council, that I'd need to get their permission for the headstone and that there were other babies in the grave,' says Alvina. 'I was devastated. I thought it was Luke's grave and only Luke's grave, and that it was my property. I thought the cemetery had got it wrong. But they said to me: "It should have been explained to you that the grave belongs to the council and that other babies are there."

'I wanted to know how many other babies were in there beside Luke, and whether they were on top of each other or side by side. I wanted to know if there was another baby on top of Luke.'

More

Half of Stillbirths Related to Placental Pathology

2007-12-01T07:25:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Niobe for sending in this article

Interview with Dr. Gordon Smith, MD
November 16, 2007 - Insidermedicine

Most stillbirths occur as a result of a failing placenta, and understanding placental development and functioning may hold the key to identifying those at high risk for stillbirth early on, according to research published in The Lancet.

According to the Antepartum Fetal Surveillance Guidelines put forth by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG):

Women with high-risk factors for stillbirth should undergo antepartum fetal surveillance using the nonstress test (NST), contraction stress test (CST), biophysical profile (BPP), or modified BPP. Testing should be initiated at 32 to 34 weeks for most pregnancies and at 26 to 28 weeks for very high risk women.
An abnormal NST or modified BPP usually should be further evaluated by either a CST or a full BPP. Subsequent management should then be predicated on the results of the CST or BPP, the gestational age, the degree of oligohydramnios (if assessed), and the maternal condition.
In the absence of obstetric contraindications, delivery of the fetus with an abnormal test result often may be attempted by induction of labor with continuous monitoring of the fetal heart rate and contractions. If repetitive late decelerations are observed, cesarean delivery generally is indicated.

In an effort to better understand why stillbirth rates have remained the same or even risen slightly over the past several decades, the investigators reviewed the literature on this condition dating back as far as 1997. They discovered that the standard screening technique, consisting of measuring the height of the uterus with a tape measure, has not changed in four decades. While other more high tech screening procedures have been tried, none has been shown to improve outcomes.

We had a chance to speak with Dr. Gordon Smith from the University of Cambridge about his findings, and what must be done in the research community to address stillbirth.Most cases of stillbirth can be linked to a failing placenta, including premature detachment from the uterus, failure to provide the fetus with adequate oxygenated blood, and problems associated with pre-eclampsia.

When the placenta fails late in a pregnancy it typically failed to develop properly in the first place. As a result, a stillbirth that occurs late in pregnancy may be the result of improper placental development occurring very early on in the pregnancy.Today's research highlights the role of the developing placenta in stillbirth. One way of reducing the rate of stillbirth may be to further investigate how the placenta develops and functions. Such research may provide important insight into how to develop screening tools that identify those at highest risk for stillbirth.

For Insidermedicine in Depth, I'm Dr. Susan Sharma.

The Approach of the Holiday Season

2007-11-25T15:10:00.000-08:00

We had twins in May, and lost our daughter, Lydia; she was stillborn. We also have 2 older children.

I want to find a way to remember and honor Lydia over the holiday season. This is so important to me especially since it was in December of last year that we discovered we were having twins. We typically get all our children new ornaments for the tree each year, something that represents something special to them that year. I plan on getting Lydia an ornament, too – but I’m not sure what kind. Do I start a tradition and buy her a similar item each year? (An angel, a bird, a teddy bear?)

And what else can I do over the holiday season, to honor her memory? I’d really love to hear what other parents have done or will be doing this year.
Thanks,

Michelle
zoromski.blogspot.com

New Blogs Recently Submitted

2007-11-25T14:34:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

My apologies for the delay in posting recent submissions. New Bloggers, please review the sidebar to ensure your blog is listed in the proper locations. ~delphi

The Loss of an Infant -- Universal Grief and Transcultural Education

2007-11-09T01:48:00.000-08:00

Updated to include the whole article so you don't have to sign in or register.

The Loss of an Infant -- Universal Grief and Transcultural Education CE
Maureen O'Reilly, RNC, APNP Disclosures

Universal Grief and Cultural Funerals

Nurses who work in neonatal intensive care units (NICUs) may believe that dealing with the loss of an infant improved immensely in the late 20th century -- suddenly, parents were encouraged to hold their infant at death, given hair locks to keep, and given pictures to share with family. Remembering that parents in the 18th and 19th centuries dealt with much more frequent infant loss, Marylouise Martin, MSN, RNC, Clinical Nurse Specialist, McLeod Regional Medical Center, Florence, South Carolina, pointed to diaries, letters, and postmortem pictures those long-ago parents used to comfort themselves. Martin's presentation on the "Transcultural Perspective of Perinatal Loss and Bereavement"[1] made it plain: not much in parental grief has changed. NICUs, however, have continued to expand their understanding of how to work with grieving parents of many ethnicities and religions as they express their culture while mourning in the 21st century.

Martin's summary may have begun with history, but her take on the transcultural outlook on dealing with grieving parents was thoroughly modern. Developing cultural proficiency assists nurses in dealing with families of varying ethnocultural and religious backgrounds during their grief, and has 5 elements: (1) knowing your own cultural values, (2) developing cultural knowledge, (3) awareness and acceptance of differences, (4) understanding the dynamics of those differences, and (5) adapting practice to fit the family's cultural background. Callister wrote that, "Support received by professionals is critical in the long-term adjustment of childbearing families coping with perinatal loss."[2] Cultural proficiency forms the basis of such support.

Mourning Rites and Culture
Caregivers need to know basics of cultural traditions -- that Jewish families bury their dead within 24 hours and the Old Amish will not accept photographs of the infant. Beliefs about the afterlife may also affect a family member's actions at this time -- Muslims may see death as a natural stage of life, Native American mourners may see death as another step in life when the spirit must be released, and African Americans may believe death is not the end and have a fervent belief of reunion in Heaven with their lost child.

What is "normal" in funeral rites varies widely also. Asian-Chinese families minimize recognition of a child's death because formalities are reserved for those over 18, as "adults." American Christians may have a full funeral following "anointing of the sick" rites and baptism predeath. Roman Catholics will plan a funeral where the body is on view and eschew cremation in favor of burial. Muslims prefer to have the body washed in running water and wrapped in white cloth, with the body placed in-ground, positioned on its right side and facing Mecca.

The outward expression of grief after the loss of a child is directly tied to the family's cultural backdrop. Martin pointed out that Hispanic/Latino families, especially women, may be vocal in grief, and display "ataque de nervios," with shaking and seizure-like activity accepted as normal within their culture but upsetting to culturally unaware caregivers observing the event. On the other hand, Latino fathers may appear especially stoic, as part of the tradition known as "machismo," and seem uncaring to onlookers, while actually being deeply affected.

African Americans may delay funeral and burial until distant family members arrive, in the belief that all must have the chance to mourn directly, and vocal grief is acceptable, especially during church services and at the graveside. Muslim families accept tears at death, and dignity at interment is highly valued, with the family walking behind the body on its way to the mosque. Amish families prize privacy in their grief and may discuss their loss minimally in public.

Developing Culturally Proficient Caregivers
Most labor and delivery units and NICUs currently offer "remembrances" to families after a perinatal loss, including items such as the identification bracelet, photographs, hair locks, clothing worn by the infant, footprints and handprints, and ultrasound prints. Martin emphasized that, even with well-developed cultural awareness, every family should be asked about the items that may have meaning to them and have their wishes met on an individual basis.

As families acculturate in the United States, it's not uncommon for them to incorporate at least some changes that are acceptable within their own culture. As Davies reported in 2004, traditional perspectives on grief, emphasizing separateness, are being transformed into a new stress on "connectedness" and the mourner's role in the social world.[3] Remembrance items and their restrictions due to family culture may apply in the most general manner, but astute caregivers ask parents to voice their needs -- as Clements and colleagues noted, "Death, grief, and bereavement are very personal experiences."[4]

Nursing units dealing with perinatal loss have several avenues open to them in developing transcultural awareness of grief practices. First, educators may make available brief summaries, such as current articles dealing with common cultural beliefs, for staff to read and use in practice. A more in-depth summary of varied beliefs is available in texts such as Death and Bereavement Across Cultures[5] or Ethnic Variations in Dying, Death, and Grief: Diversity in Universality,[6] which includes facts such as a withdrawal from community life for up to 7 years may be "normal" for the Egyptian mother, following the loss of a child.

In a further step toward integrating transcultural awareness, Martin has developed a Transcultural Training Program, and she encouraged listeners to consider this in their own practice areas. The program provides basic cultural education and methods for nurses to incorporate cultural assessment and proficiency into their daily work. Capitulo advocated for online grief support groups, where the theme was "shared metamorphosis," allowing transcendence of cultural beliefs and the sharing of remembrance and memories.[7] Although not all family members will have access to the Internet to join such groups, it's clear such methods offer hope and support to geographically or socially isolated mourners and are worth the effort of caregivers to offer to all cultural perspectives.

When loss occurs in a family, the ability to find meaning in the death and involve family members in rituals and mourning offers comfort and support to parents, siblings, and grandparents. Martin offered an overview of specific practices found in a wide array of ethnic and religious backgrounds, with the caveat to always remember the individual's wishes. A culturally proficient caregiver offers respect for the family's beliefs and dignity for the dead.

Link to article

Handle with care

2007-10-29T14:24:00.000-07:00

Handle with care
October 6, 2007
Sydney Morning Herald
Kate Benson and Bellinda Kontominas.

Karina Jensen was halfway through delivering her dead baby at Sutherland hospital when a midwife handed her funeral brochures, suggesting she read them between contractions because "we have other people with live babies that are our priority".

After holding her daughter, Amber, for less than two hours, Jensen said farewell on advice from a midwife who wanted her "cooled at the morgue because it's better for the post-mortem" - only to find her dead baby then spent 10 hours alone and uncovered in a corridor of the busy maternity unit.

"It was a horrifying experience," she says. "Amber was right outside my room all night and I didn't know it. My husband, Jack, found her. She had been born at 9pm and he had left to go home about midnight. He saw her in a crib in the hallway and thought she'd be taken to the morgue soon. But the next morning when he came back she was still there in the corridor, with mothers walking past."

Jensen says she spent all night listening to other women in labour and the piercing cries of newborns, before discharging herself the next morning.

"It's such a small thing, but being in the maternity ward that night made a painful process that much more painful. It rubbed salt in my wounds."

A day later Jack Jensen received a phone call from a staff member at the hospital asking him to bring Amber back for a hearing check as they had "rushed off" before it could be done. Stunned, he replied: "Our daughter is in your morgue. If you find out that she can hear anything, you give us a call and we'll come get her."

But their agonising experience does not ring true for all parents.

Fiona van der Plaat's first child, Nicholas, died hours after birth at Royal Prince Alfred Hospital in 1998 and, even though she spent five days on the postnatal ward with mothers and newborns, apologetic staff gave her a room of her own as far from the sound of crying babies as possible.

Van der Plaat and her husband, Paul, were allowed to hold Nicholas for as long as they needed after his death. They were given photos of them as a family, a lock of his fair hair and prints of his tiny hands and feet. For days afterwards, midwives would bring Nicholas back from the morgue so relatives could meet him and find closure.

"He had had a post-mortem but they had dressed him in a knitted cap and a blanket so we couldn't tell and they were very encouraging that we should all hold him," van der Plaat says. "It was an extremely painful experience but we couldn't have been treated any better."

For Michael Grosvenor, those emotionally charged weeks after the stillbirth of his daughter, Amelia, left him with little time to mourn. Funeral arrangements and phone calls had to be made to inform family and friends of the couple's loss, but he says he and his wife, Suzanne, were treated with great sensitivity at Calvary Health Care, formerly Hurstville Private Community Hospital.

"You couldn't fault them. The nursing staff went beyond the call of duty, and one even came back to see us on her day off," he says.

The Grosvenors were given all the time they needed with Amelia. Their family and close friends were allowed to visit at all hours and midwives comforted and supported them. More

Blog day for the MOTHERS act, October 24, 2007

2007-10-24T04:01:00.001-07:00

Bloggers across the country encouraged to call their U.S. Senator on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 in support of The MOTHERS Act.

Postpartum Support International, the world largest non profit organization devoted to the support of perinatal mental health, has joined forces with BlogHer, the web number one guide to women bloggers and Postpartum Progress the leading blog in the U.S. on postpartum mood disorders to galvanize support for the passage of The MOTHERS Act - The Moms Opportunity to Access Help, Education, Research and Support for Postpartum Depression Act. On Wednesday, October 24th, bloggers across the country will write about taking action on this critical legislation by placing calls to their state's senators urging sponsorship and support of The MOTHERS Act.

The MOTHERS Act, sponsored by U.S. Senators Robert Menendez, (D-NJ) and Richard Durbin (D-IL) will ensure that new moms and their families are educated about PPD, screened for symptoms, and provided with essential services. It will also increase research into the causes,
diagnoses and treatments for postpartum depression.

Specifically, the MOTHERS Act will help new moms by:

Providing important education and screening on postpartum depression (PPD) that can lead to early identification and treatment. The legislation includes two grants to help health care providers educate, identify and treat PPD.

Expanding important research to improve and discover new treatments, diagnostic tools and educational materials for providers. Since the exact cause of PPD isn't known, research continues to be the key to unlocking the mystery of this condition.

Postpartum depression is a serious and disabling condition that affects up to 20 percent of new mothers - 800,000 American women each year. Yet only 15 percent of these women will receive any assessment or treatment .Untreated, consequences of maternal mood disorders range from chronic, disabling depression to death. Consequences of untreated
maternal depression on infants/children range from behavioral and learning disabilities to depression and death.

Susan Dowd Stone, president of Postpartum Support International states "The good news is that perinatal mood disorders are preventable and easily treated once detected. The MOTHERS Act legislation is key because its initiatives are preventive, educational and treatment oriented. PSI urges you to participate in this important campaign."

Lisa Stone, BlogHer Co-founder and CEO, said "The BlogHer community has chosen Global Health as the focus for our year-long blogging activism initiative, BlogHers Act. Blog Day for the MOTHERS Act is exactly the kind of project where BlogHer's community can make a
difference on legislation that will save women's lives."

Katherine Stone, author of the Posptartum Progress blog, adds "Postpartum mood disorders are a disease of motherhood -- they can affect any woman who becomes a mother, regardless of who she is. If we don't do something to better educate and treat the mothers who may suffer, we are doing a disservice to all mothers, children and families everywhere. All it takes is a phone call to let the Senate know that the women of America want the MOTHERS Act to pass."

Postpartum Support International is the world's largest nonprofit organization offering support, referrals, education, training, and resources to health care providers, women, and families coping with perinatal mood disorders. With coordinators in 49 states and 29
countries around the world, PSI is well-positioned to continue its mission of eradicating perinatal mental illness in every community worldwide. Thousands of women and concerned family members call our national warm line each year, attend our annual conference for
healthcare providers and consumers, and visit our website to find local resources and support. PSI's website www.postpartum.net warmline 1-800-944-4773.

MISS Foundation-From Hopelessness to Hope

2007-10-12T18:53:00.000-07:00

New Blogs Recently Submitted

2007-10-11T12:15:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

For grieving parents, an investigation

2007-10-10T13:35:00.000-07:00

By Lee Bowman Scripps Howard News Service

It starts with a phone call about a small life suddenly ended, about a baby found lifeless, unable to be revived.

Almost all of the more than 4,000 sudden and unexpected infant deaths in this country each year prompt an autopsy and a detailed investigation into the circumstances.

Details vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, but most of the time, the investigation begins at a hospital. Emergency medical workers usually try to resuscitate infants who aren't breathing, and rarely concede the fight before getting a baby to an emergency department.

But whether an infant is pronounced dead at a hospital, the home or some other setting, the need for police or investigators from the local coroner or medical examiner to quickly begin gathering facts inevitably intrudes on grieving families.

"The shock hit me so hard at the hospital," said April Poole of Huntsburg, Ohio, of the moments after she lost her daughter, Sommer, in 2005.

"After they pronounced her, they let me into the room to see her, but they'd left the breathing tube in her throat. It just seemed so cold to me."

Rachel Yerbich, whose son, Benjamin Allen, died suddenly in Granite Falls, Minn., last September, recalls spending much of the night holding her son in a family room of the ER.

"They unhooked him from all the machines and let me carry him in there and say goodbye, let my family gather with me to say goodbye," she said.

But other parents report not being able to hold, or even touch, their dead infant at a death scene, even at the hospital.

"There are some medical examiners who are totally against allowing contact with the infant's body before the investigation," said Dr. Deborah Kay, assistant chief medical examiner for the Virginia Office of the Chief Medical Examiner's central region in Richmond.

Kay said the Virginia medical examiner is issuing new guidelines for physicians and hospitals caring for infants and children who die suddenly and unexpectedly and whose deaths are subject to investigation.

"We wanted to have some consistency in what's being done around the state, while trying to be compassionate to the families," Kay said. More

'I set up website to commemorate son'

2007-09-28T06:45:00.000-07:00

'I set up website to commemorate son'
Jane Elliott Health reporter, BBC News

When Helen Savage lost her first baby at 39 weeks she and her entire family were devastated.

Little Samuel was to have been the first grand-child on either side of the family and his arrival was very much anticipated.

But just a week before being born he had died from Group B streptococcus - one woman in four carries this bacteria in her vagina, although she may have no symptoms and be unaware it is there. Babies can come into contact with it while still in the womb or during birth. Some develop serious conditions like pneumonia, meningitis or septicaemia, while, others, like Samuel die.

Some women know they are at risk of the infection, because of previous problems, a premature rupture of their membranes, or because a urine test during pregnancy, reveals that they have the infection. But in Helen's case there were no indication and she only found out the cause of death six weeks later.

"I had a trouble free pregnancy," said Helen, 29, from Lisburn, Northern Ireland.
"We first found out we were expecting Samuel in June 2004, and from the moment we saw two lines on the pregnancy test we were so excited about his arrival. Daddy was sure he was a boy right from the start, but Mummy took a bit more convincing. More

Many baby deaths 'can be stopped'

2007-09-24T14:13:00.000-07:00

Growth problems could be spotted during pregnancy

As many as 1,000 stillbirths each year could be prevented if clinicians were able to spot when foetuses were not developing properly, a study suggests.

The NHS's Perinatal Institute will unveil research this week which points to "restricted foetal growth" as the key factor in many stillbirths. If this was picked up in pregnancy, these babies could be delivered earlier and have a greater chance of survival.

Britain has one of the highest stillbirth rates in Western Europe.

The 10-year-study by the Perinatal Institute found that some 40% of the 4,000 babies stillborn each year have growth problems. Of these, around two thirds may have survived if action had been taken.

"We are excited about these findings," said the institute's director, Professor Jason Gardosi.

"If we can recognise that babies are not growing as they should then they can be further investigated and, if necessary, delivered at the right time, and in a good condition, rather than being left in the womb and at continued risk of dying."

Professor Gardosi said in addition to the findings on foetal growth in relation to stillbirth, researchers were also starting to identify "an issue about resources", particularly when it came to the number of cases midwives must deal with.

These remarks chime with statements made by the new president of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, Professor Sabaratnam Arulkumaran, who believes there are too few consultants and midwives to guarantee the safety of mothers and babies.

In a speech next month, he will cite data showing that most babies die during the night when hospitals have fewer consultants on duty. In an interview with the BBC last month, he said he believed there was too much focus currently on allowing women to give birth at home, and not enough attention on improving conditions in hospital where the majority ultimately give birth.

The tragic human cost of NHS baby blunders

2007-09-23T00:18:00.000-07:00

Errors and negligence that result in stillbirths or disabled babies are costing Britain's hospitals billions in compensation. In this investigation, The Observer reveals how staff shortages are wrecking the lives of countless parents.

Denis Campbell
Sunday September 23, 2007
The Observer

What began as a routine pregnancy but turned into a tragedy for one family will finally end this week in a West Midlands courtroom. The hospital charged with caring for the mother will finally agree to pay £5m in damages to the parents of a boy left in a wheelchair, unable to communicate or do anything for himself, after suffering cerebral palsy because of mistakes made by staff during his birth.

It might sound like a lot of money. But consider - it costs £120,000 a year to provide the 24-hour, all-year-round care needed by the boy, who is now 16. The imminent award also reflects the fact that he will never be able to work, and that his parents have had to move to a bungalow and had it specially adapted to cope with his needs, such as a therapy room where he tries to do gentle exercises to stop his muscles from wasting away from moving around so little.

His parents, who have asked not to be named for legal reasons, would rather it had never come to this. 'When I told the boy's father that the report into the case we had commissioned from an independent obstetrician had said that it was negligence, that someone at the hospital hadn't done their job properly and that the care was sub-standard, he began crying,' recalls the family's lawyer, Lindsay Gibb, of solicitors Irwin Mitchell in Birmingham. 'He wanted us to tell him that it was no one's fault, that it was just one of those things, so to learn that it was avoidable was very difficult for him.'

The hospital's first blunder was to send the boy's mother home after hospital staff had failed to induce the birth. An expert witness who gave evidence for the family said that, given the late stage of her labour, she should definitely have been kept in until the baby arrived, if necessary by Caesarean section.

Later, when she was back in hospital again, the child became distressed while he was being delivered and suffered a sudden loss of air to his brain when meconium, the result of his first bowel movement, seeped into his lungs.

Usually, when maternity staff realise that is occurring, they suck out the meconium. But when the anxious personnel attending the woman sought advice by phone from a neonatologist, a specialist in dealing with newborn babies, the doctor seems to have failed to appreciate how serious the situation was. Her guidance meant nothing was done to tackle the baby's oxygen starvation and respiratory collapse. More

Stillbirth Support Symposium

2007-09-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

First Candle (SIDS Alliance) is pleased to announce that it will host its inaugural Stillbirth Support & Advocacy Symposium October 22-23, 2007.

Set to coincide with a meeting of the Stillbirth Collaborative Research Network, the symposium will offer stillbirth parents an opportunity to hear from leading stillbirth researchers and meet with representatives on Capitol Hill. Additionally, we will launch a National Stillbirth Peer Support Network, providing training to peer advocates who will offer support to bereaved families in their communities.

As space is limited, First Candle is asking interested individuals to complete a pre-registration application on the First Candle web site at www.firstcandle.org. It is their goal to select a geographically diverse, ambitious group of participants that will help us gain the momentum needed to push this important agenda forward.

Deborah Boyd
Executive Director
First Candle/SIDS Alliance
Phone: 1-800-221-7437

The benefit of hindsight

2007-09-14T01:35:00.000-07:00

This post is for those whose babies died silently in utero before the onset of labour.

As I have read blogs of bereaved parents over the last year, I have come across several posts which relate observations which only became clear with the 20:20 vision of hindsight. I thought it might be helpful and potentially even save a life to gather those together in one place. I will relate my own hindsight observations here. If you would like to, please post yours in the comments.

My son died in utero at 40 weeks + 4 days, 3 days after a full check-up with heart rate monitoring and ultrasound.

In the last week of my pregnancy, I awoke pretty regularly three times a night - at 1am, 3am and 5am. I remember sleeping well on one of the last nights. It's hard for me to recall which one. But I remember waking up and thinking, "that's good, I needed a good night's sleep". With hindsight I think it was a very bad sign and that my son was already in severe trouble.
Again I don't remember which day exactly this was. But I had a funny "feeling" for about 15 minutes. My legs went suddenly weak and I felt a bit flu-ey. I even mentioned it to my mother who was there. But the feeling passed by and I didn't think it important. Now I wonder whether that was a change in blood circulation or something like that.
I wasn't doing kick counts. But with hindsight, I strongly feel that my baby's movements slowed down significantly in the last day. Since I wasn't monitoring them, I didn't really notice until it was too late.

We never found out why my son died. It's possible that taking these observations as alarm signals might have saved him. It's possible that it would have made no difference and he would have died anyway. But you all know that you would take that possibility of changing the world around in an instant, no matter how slim.

CiaoLapo Onlus

2007-09-13T13:25:00.000-07:00

Please note the addition of a new link in the sidebar - to CiaoLapo Onlus.

The founder, Claudia, writes:

www.ciaolapo.it/en is the website of CiaoLapo Onlus, a non-lucrative, non-religious association founded in 2006 by my husband and I (both medical doctors) after the stillbirth of our second child, Lapo. Aims of CiaoLapo Onlus are to promote research on stillbirth and to offer psychological support to parents after stillbirth or perinatal death. We are currently offering weekly online self-help groups to breaved parents and free online psychological and gynecological consults to the associates. During last March, our first national congress was held in Florence and the second one is going to take place in October.

Request for Advice

2007-09-11T19:03:00.000-07:00

Kendra's Mom recently wrote to the Directory, explaining that a friend is facing the possibility of losing twins to pre-eclampsia. She is requesting advice on how best to support her friend. If you think you can offer some insight or support to Kendra's Mom, please visit her blog.

Thanks to Kendra's Mom for thinking of the Directory as a location where mutual support may be found. That is what we are here for.

Updated: one of the babies' heart stopped beating in utero and the other was born alive weighing 400g / 14oz but sadly died later. See Kendra's Mom's blog for more details.

National Stillbirth Society News

2007-09-11T12:22:00.000-07:00

We have had so many parents ask how they might get their baby's picture retouched that we made it our goal to find an answer. The answer we have come up with is almost too good to be true. Not only have we located a source but the source, one of the largest retouching studios in the country, will retouch a photo of a stillborn baby AT NO CHARGE. THERE IS NO LIMIT TO THE NUMBER OF MOTHERS THEY WILL DO THIS FOR. IF YOU WERE TO PAY FOR THE SERVICE IT WOULD COST $49.95 AND UP!

At this moment we're finalizing the details and logistics so that we the Missing Angel website can interface with their website. We hope by October 1st the service will be up and running. It's called "The Angel Pic Project" and when it's ready we will post it on the home page of http://www.missingangel.org/.

We're telling you this now so you have an opportunity to search through your pictures to find the best one. I will tell you I have seen examples of their work and it is incredible the difference. If you have a photo that you may have been uncomfortable showing family and friends get ready. You'll be able to send a scan, if you have one, or you can look up a participating dealer in your area who will scan a photo for you (limit two) and send it in for you. The same dealer will also give you a free 8" x 10" portrait when the scan comes back (in about 2 - 3 weeks).

Just one more way The National Stillbirth Society is working to bring comfort and closure to stillbirth parents and their families.

Richard K. Olsen, Founder
THE NATIONAL STILLBIRTH SOCIETY
www.stillnomore.org
missingangel@cox.net
602-216-6600

New Blogs Recently Submitted

2007-09-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

Delayed grief

2007-08-31T11:52:00.000-07:00

Rachel's Vineyard offers support for people grieving losses in life
by Mary Steichen, 30 Aug 2007

Once a week, I look forward to lending a hand at a crisis pregnancy center. For me, it's a good way to give back to the community that has blessed me so richly. And it helps keep me grounded. I need a reality check once in a while to maintain a spirit of gratitude.

This week, I began thinking about some of the pain and hard times that our volunteer army of dedicated Oklahoma women witness as we strive to help girls in need. Many are frightened or feel alone. Many have had previous abortions or are contemplating one. Some are considering placing their baby for adoption. Often they are struggling with issues such as poverty, rejection, career conflicts, addictions or unhealthy relationships.

Preparing for this column, a question came to mind: "Do women and men continue to grieve these types of issues in their senior years?” Do we mistakenly believe that, as we age, these memories simply fade away? Perhaps many of us buy into the old saying: "Time heals all wounds.” The contrary is true.

Associate Director Susan Lepak of the Office of Family Life in Oklahoma City provided insight on this emotional, often overlooked topic.

"It's quite typical,” she said, "for grieving to surface 20-plus years after an abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth or placing a child for adoption.” This is because women finally reach a time in their lives when they are not so busy raising a family or pursuing a career.

"Menopause contributes, too. They look back at occurrences during their reproductive years, and may experience grief over choices that led to the loss of a child. Sometimes having grandchildren may also trigger grief. More

Hospital says sorry after baby death

2007-08-31T11:48:00.000-07:00

Hospital says sorry after baby death
Aug 22 2007
By Michael Corley

A MUM whose baby was stillborn at Warwick Hospital is battling for compensation after finally winning an apology from hospital chiefs.

Mother-of-four Deborah Linster-Ali, aged 38, of Cawston, near Rugby, has finally spoken out about her three-year ordeal following the death of her son Jacob. He was delivered stillborn at Warwick Hospital. Though South Warwickshire General Hospitals NHS Trust finally apologised last month, Deborah says she is still struggling to come to terms with her loss and that nothing will ease her grief.

She said: "I can't ever go back to Warwick.
"Even driving towards the town on the A46 makes me feel physically sick and angry.
"The whole system from start to finish let me down."

She decided to speak out about her ordeal to highlight the first Birth Trauma Awareness Day held last Saturday. Organised by the Birth Trauma Association, she hopes it will give other parents the support she felt she lacked in 2004.

Deborah visited the hospital for a planned induction, but was sent home because the unit was too busy.

She returned the following morning, but was sent to a day centre where she waited until midday to be seen.

A CTG trace (used to monitor the baby's heartbeat) was supposed to be checked by a doctor before Deborah was given the labour-inducing drug, prostaglandin.

But according to hospital records, this check does not appear to have happened. More

MISS Foundation News Release - Stillbirth

2007-08-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

babykick teams with MISS Foundation
promoting kick counting for the prevention of stillbirth

Manhattan Beach, Calif.—July 25, 2007--More than 40 years of research shows that an expectant mother's tracking of her baby's fetal movements is an excellent way of checking on her baby's well-being. Kick counting, the systematic recording and tracking of fetal movements, is easy to do and is recommended by the American Pregnancy Association (APA) and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG).

The MISS Foundation, an international organization that supports grieving families after a child's death and educates on infant death, prevention and awareness, supports the Pregnant Women Count campaign, which encourages kick counting as a means to reduce the risk of stillbirth. babykick, with their newly launched kickTrakTM, is proud to announce their partnership with the MISS Foundation to promote kick counting and the prevention of stillbirth. Both organizations share the goal of education and research leading to healthy pregnancies and fewer child deaths by supporting kick counting and the use of the kickTrak. The kickTrak enables moms-to-be to track and record their baby's movement pattern, keeps track of pregnancy progress and also times contractions when labor begins. A portion of the proceeds from kickTrak sales will be donated back to the MISS Foundation in support of advocacy programs and educations.

"The kickTrak smart kick counter is a small, hand-held device which helps ensure moms-to-be of the health of their pregnancy," says Diep Nguyen, MD, developer of the kickTrak. "Kick counting every day and using the kickTrak gives moms great peace of mind, knowing their baby is developing as expected."

kickTrak was developed based on scientific research emphasizing the kicks, jabs, rolls, twists, and turns felt by mothers are excellent indicators of their baby's well-being. Monitoring of fetal movements is not a full time task and both APA and ACOG recommend expectant mothers to note the time it takes for their baby to complete ten movements, at approximately the same time each day when the baby is usually most active. Although each baby is different, healthy babies should have ten movements within two hours. Most babies usually do so in much less than 30 minutes.

"In this time of increasing pre-term birth and increased managed care it is important to encourage mothers to become ever more engaged with the progress and health of their pregnancy, “ stated James C. Caillouette, M.D., F.A.C.O.G., F.A.C.S., The clinical professor emeritus from University of Southern California Keck School of Medicine went on to say, “babykick’s kickTrak is a proven methodology, and when used on a regular basis as suggested, will provide increased mother, baby and physician communication, which is beneficial for everyone. I am confident that kickTrak will become standard of care."

"The goal of kick counting is not to make moms anxious but to have it be a part of their daily prenatal care," says Dr. Nguyen. "Medical research supports the daily kick counting method as a simple, effective, harmless and reliable way to screen for fetal well-being to reduce the risk of stillbirth."

As soon as a woman knows of her pregnancy she can begin using kickTrak to track and count down her progress. After 24 weeks gestation she can begin her daily use of kickTrak to keep a reliable diary of her baby's movement, and then time contractions when labor begins. Noting significant changes in the baby's movement pattern empowers moms to promptly alert their doctors to potential problems. Early detection of problems allows for timely intervention and can potentially reduce the risk of stillbirth.

The baby kickTrak is available for purchase in the MISS Foundation store where a portion of all purchases benefits the MISS Foundation.

MISS Foundation News Release - SIDS

2007-08-30T13:43:00.000-07:00

Soft bedding found to be hazardous to infants
Arizona company teams with the MISS Foundation for safer alternative to crib blankets

Anthem, AZ - Despite the Consumer Product Safety Commission stating that soft bedding in the crib may be hazardous to babies under 12 months old, parents across the country continue to unwittingly endanger their child’s safety by using crib blankets, bumper pads and other soft bedding. The risk is unnecessary and the solution is practically old-fashioned in Europe – and lauded by many U.S. pediatricians, health experts and now the MISS Foundation (www.missfoundation.org), an international organization that supports grieving families after a child’s death and educates on infant death prevention and awareness. Earthwalk Design LLC is proud to announce their partnership with the MISS Foundation to promote safer sleep practices for babies under 12 months of age. Their mutual goal is to spread the word about the potential risks of soft bedding by offering infant and toddler “sleep sacks” as a safer alternative to standard crib blankets. A portion of proceeds will be donated back to the MISS Foundation.

“Sleep sacks are wearable blankets that cannot be kicked off or cover a baby’s face,” states Christina Alborn, owner of Earthwalk Design and www.pampersack.com. “Our PamperSack™ sleep sacks are not a garment, but are worn over pajamas. They keep a baby warm like a blanket would, but won’t cover a baby’s face like soft, loose bedding can.” Sleep sacks have been used extensively in Europe for the last thirty years.

Soft bedding, rebreathing and the SIDS factor

Soft bedding has been linked to a condition called “rebreathing.” Rebreathing occurs when bedding molds around or covers a baby’s face as they sleep, creating a stale pocket of expired air eventually reduced to carbon dioxide. Oceanside, CA, based pediatrician Dr. Douglas Stein states, “It has been established that rebreathing, when infants breathe their own exhaled air, is a theory associated with Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Laying infants to sleep on their backs has reduced the incidence of SIDS, but babies can still roll and therefore soft bedding is to be discouraged.”

“My goal is not to be an alarmist or to give parents a false sense of security,” says Alborn. “I just firmly believe in reducing identified risk factors until we have more information.” Joanne Cacciatore, CEO and Founder of the MISS Foundation, echoes the sentiment by stating, “Sleep sacks are a common sense choice. They have been recommended by medical associations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, to reduce bedding related mortality. If these products help to save one baby’s life, we are grateful.”

MISS Foundation News

2007-08-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

Important News from the MISS Foundation:

July/August newsletter available online.

:::

The Alliance of Grandparents a Support After Tragedy (AGAST) has officially merged with the MISS Foundation as a program outreach to grieving grandparents.

AGAST, founded by SIDS grandmother, Sandra Graben, began as an outreach to grandparents after the death of a grandbaby from SIDS. It quickly morphed into an outreach to all grandparents after any grandchild's death.

Because their mission of overall family support was so well aligned with the philosophy of the MISS Foundation, Graben and Joanne Cacciatore, MISS Foundation CEO and founder, met and determined that the unification of the groups would be beneficial for families experiencing life worst tragedy: the death of a child/grandchild.

The merger became official last week.

The name of the outreach will be: MISS Foundation's AGAST Outreach Program and will include the newsletter, memorial cards, grandparent-to-grandparent mentoring, and family support packets.

If you have any questions about this important merger, please contact info@missfoundation.org.

:::

You can listen to the song, Soaring Away, at the band's profile.

Dear Friends of the MISS Foundation,

Ten years ago this week my wife and I lost our son.

Needless to say, our world was shattered and we were catapaulted into a downward spiral of grief, despair, and depression.

We have managed to move forward, but - as you are well aware - it changes you forever.

More recently, I have had the privilege of discovering the MISS Foundation when I was approached by MISS volunteer Barbara Kurtz and asked about doing a fundraiser with my band, 4 Car Garage.

What has come of it is the song "Soaring Away."

"Soaring Away" is an original song that I wrote in honor of my son, Bradley.
It is my attempt to describe the feelings that are harbored when you go through something like we have and that you hope nobody else ever has to experience.

It is an emotional, bittersweet song, but I hope that someway it can help in the healing process for all of us.

Coincidentally (or not!), the song was accepted by iTunes on the ten year anniversary of Bradley's birth.........that's got to be a sign that our children are 'soaring away.'

All proceeds from the song will go to the M.I.S.S. Foundation and their efforts. There is a link to the iTunes store below.....take a listen and download it if you want (it's also available on Napster & Rhapsody). I hope you enjoy the music - thanks for listening......peace be with you.

Greg White, M.D.
Chief of Orthopaedic Surgery
Phoenix Children's Hospital
4 Car Garage - 4 Car Garage - Soaring Away

New Blogs Recently Submitted

2007-08-23T16:15:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

Submitting Blogs

2007-08-13T15:38:00.001-07:00

I will be away for the next week and will update our blogroll upon my return. Please know that if you have submitted your blog, it will be added as soon as possible when I am home.

Perinatal Loss: improving care and prevention

2007-08-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

29 September - 2 October 2007
Birmingham, UK

This international conference is hosted by Sands and the Perinatal Institute, on behalf of the International Stillbirth Alliance.

visit the conference website here www.isa2007.org
download the conference flyer here
to register visit the conference site or register directly with Profile Productions

The conference will focus on perinatal loss – the human impact, the causes, and the possibilities for prevention. Its purpose is to gain insights and ideas for future collaborative initiatives to reduce the burden of perinatal death.

This is a rare opportunity to bring together researchers, bereaved families, clinicians, health care professionals and support organisations from many different countries.

Many clinicians and scientists devote much of their working lives to furthering the understanding of adverse pregnancy outcome. Many bereaved parents, knowing the real consequences of baby loss, are committed to improving the care that others who have suffered a loss receive. Both groups have much in common and together can represent a very powerful force for change.

Aims:

to present the human consequences of stillbirth and other perinatal loss
to share information on current activities and research programmes
to strengthen collaboration on initiatives to reduce perinatal death
to share knowledge and experience of best practice in care when a baby dies
to encourage networking and informal exchange.

Xanthe Pheby

2007-08-04T10:49:00.000-07:00

Our campaign to cut stillbirths
SARAH HALL 03 August 2007 11:22

A couple left heartbroken after the mysterious death of their baby daughter have called on the Government to help prevent further deaths - and have started a national petition for more money to investigate why it happens.

Emma and Alex Pheby did not know there were any complications with baby Xanthe until she was stillborn. Doctors then told them she had died just eight hours before.

Mr and Mrs Pheby, from Bowthorpe, have been left devastated, as well as baffled, by the death of their second child because the pregnancy was problem-free and “low risk”. The couple said they did everything they possibly could to ensure they had a healthy baby but today said more money needs to be pumped into why so many happen, with one in 200 pregnancies resulting in a stillbirth.

Now they have set up a campaign asking the government to give more funding into researching unexplained stillbirths which affect a staggering one in 200 pregnancies. Mrs Pheby, 34, said: “No one knows why Xanthe died. I had a smooth pregnancy and various scans the way through which all came back normal with absolutely no problems.“When I gave birth I had seen the midwife just two days before and everything was fine. I was at 40 weeks but I went into labour quickly.

“We did not even know Xanthe was dead until she was born. She weighed 8lb 3oz and was so nearly with us. More

The Politics of Stillbirth

2007-08-03T02:27:00.000-07:00

This article is a few weeks old but the topic has been a point of discussion in the past on different people's blogs. In the country where I live in Europe my first son, stillborn at 40 weeks, was inscribed on my family certificate, with the word "stillborn" next to his name. This only happens if the birth takes place after 24 weeks (the defined boundary between miscarriage and stillbirth here). It also only happens if you want it to.

A new movement seeks to award special certificates to fetuses that are stillborn, but pro-choice advocates worry that this is yet another step toward fetal personhood that could endanger abortion rights.
Allison Stevens July 16, 2007

Thirteen years ago, Joanne Cacciatore delivered a stillborn fetus, a trauma that was compounded by the fact that she received a death certificate in the mail but no birth certificate -- a tangible memento she said would have helped her grieve.

Motivated by her loss, she mounted a grassroots campaign in her home state of Arizona to get the government to give parents who deliver stillborn fetuses the option of receiving a "certificate for stillborn birth" -- and in so doing unintentionally waded into the turbulent waters of abortion politics.

Although reproductive rights advocates say they sympathize with Cacciatore, they also fear her effort -- which has since ballooned into a nationwide campaign -- could aid anti-choice groups as they attempt to chip away at or eliminate abortion rights. "There's no question in my mind that the anti-abortion crowd will look for some way to use this," Kim Gandy, president of the National Organization for Women, has said. At issue is the question of "personhood," or when human life begins; the answer lies at the heart of the debate over abortion.

Opponents of abortion rights contend that life begins at the moment of conception, and they have sought to define embryos and fetuses as human beings with a right to life. Under their logic, abortion is murder and should be illegal. Supporters of abortion rights do not equate embryos and fetuses with full human beings. Granting "personhood" to embryos and fetuses before they are born raises their legal status and jeopardizes women's right to abortion, they say. More

New Blogs Submitted This Week

2007-08-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

A balm for grief

2007-07-30T04:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks to volunteer photographers, parents have keepsakes to remember babies whose lives ended much too soon

By Barbara Bradley
barbarabradley@commercialappeal.com
July 29, 2007

Photographer Marci Lambert volunteered for an assignment she hoped would never come. But in June she was asked to do a portrait shoot at Methodist North Hospital. The subject was a 3-month-old baby girl who had died of an infection.

"You have to think deep in your heart if you can do this," said Lambert, 43, of East Memphis. That was especially true in this case, which took another devastating turn.

Lambert is one of five photographers in this area who have volunteered to shoot bereavement photos through a nonprofit organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, headquartered in Littleton, Colo., near Denver. It was founded two years ago by Cheryl Haggard, a mother who lost her infant son, and Sandy Puc, the nationally acclaimed photographer who photographed him. It has spread rapidly to every state and to eight other countries.

"Society doesn't know how to deal with the death of a baby," said Haggard of Evergreen, Colo., whose son Maddux lived only six days. "They think you did not get to know this baby. They want you to forget." More

Faith's Lodge

2007-07-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

DANBURY, WIS. - Kelly Alvar sat tearfully inside Children's Hospital of Minneapolis, her 6-day-old son in her arms, knowing that his heart would soon stop beating. She and her husband, Nate, wanted their premature baby to have as peaceful a death as possible. When he lay there motionless that day in May, a bundle of soft skin and tufts of dark hair, their grieving officially began.

Friends and family tried to help, but they couldn't really understand, Kelly Alvar said. The couple wanted to get away. But everywhere they went, it seemed, they saw happy families and celebrations.

Now they and others will have a place to go, a retreat thought to be the only one of its kind in the nation. Faith's Lodge opened its gates Saturday in the northern Wisconsin forest to families that are grieving the death of a child or have a child who is seriously ill. The 80 acres, located about two hours from the Twin Cities, are designed with sensitivity to grief. More

New Blogs Recently Submitted

2007-07-24T13:02:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

The parents with the hardest choice of all

2007-07-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

Charles Rodeck is a pioneer in foetal medicine, a field in which huge scientific advances can have a terrible emotional cost. Here he speaks frankly about the painful dilemma - to agree to a termination or take the risk of having a disabled child - which thousands of couples must confront every year

Amelia Hill, Sunday July 15, 2007, The Observer

Sitting ramrod straight in his chair, George Woodall could not be any clearer. 'Cutting to the chase, if there's anything wrong with this baby at any stage, we don't want it,' he tells Professor Charles Rodeck, Britain's leading expert in foetal medicine. 'We want to have all the tests as soon as possible, regardless of how risky they are. We just want this over with.'

Lying on a bed next to her husband, Karen stares at the ceiling in silence. Still dazed by the speed with which her perfect world has begun to crumble around her, all she can think of is how light-hearted she was, two days earlier, when she arrived at her local hospital for her 12-week pregnancy scan.

'Almost as soon as the doctor began the ultrasound, I knew something was terribly wrong,' she told The Observer after her consultation with Rodeck. Within minutes, Karen says, she went from feeling happier than ever to more distressed and confused than she had thought possible. More

Weekend Blog Roundup

2007-07-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

I think it's safe to say that there are few things as shocking as losing a child through miscarriage or infant loss. It's biologically counterproductive. It goes against everything we want to believe about nature, even though we know all about the circle of life.

When a tiny life begins it just seems only natural and right that it should grow. That it should keep growing until it has white hair, dentures and a cane.

So when something goes wrong - when the unthinkable happens and you experience this kind of tragedy - the natural human response is to try to make sense of it. To find and apply order where there doesn't seem to be any at all.

For some people, the idea that "everything happens for a reason" is enough. For others, the belief that everything is random is what they cling to for comfort.

So much of the healing journey is trying to come to terms with the fact that this horrible, horrible thing has happened. To us.

This gorgeous post by Missing One at A Mending Heart is beautiful in so many ways. She intersperses pictures of her garden with her thoughts about both what she has lost and what she has gained since her daughter Jessica died on Monther's Day.

It seems impossible to imagine that you could possibly gain anything at all from losing a child (particularly when you're in the horrible throws of those early days of unbearable grief), but through her lovely words and photos Missing One demonstrates that, inexplicably, sometimes you can.

I find it incredible that the process of grief often seems to wind it's difficult way to this kind of realization. And I'm always so thankful that it does. Nothing ever takes away the pain of loss, but finding a way to give it meaning helps make the process of accepting that it is now part of your life so much easier.

This post by BasilBean at The Littlest Bean was like drinking a big glass of ice cold water on a hot day. Somehow seeing someone reach a healing milestone that you yourself have reached validates your own journey. It makes you feel like you're doing okay. And it makes you feel so good to know that they must be too.

This is why I love the fact that bereaved parents blog. Being able to read about the different ways people face and live this kind of sorrow is absolutely invaluable, no matter where you are in your journey. There is so much to learn from people who are willing to tell their stories.

I mean, look at this:

" Life doesn't fit into neat little packages, and things don't always follow the script we think they should. I am happy and thankful for what we have and do not want to get off track by always thinking about what it seems we ought to have. I could go on, but I think that is where I will leave it for now."

But still, there are days when all the time in the world - and all the healing we've done during that time - seems to mean nothing at all, and it's hard to find meaning or purpose in our sorrow. The nagging thought that nothing makes sense creeps in and the days are long and hard. So often this happens around anniversary days. Birthdays and death days. The anniversary of the day we saw those two beautiful lines on the stick or the day we found out it was really all over.

Angel Mom is experiencing this. This past week marked the seventh anniversary of the ultrasound that delivered the agonizing news that her daughter wouldn't be coming home with them. While desperately trying to absorb this horrific news, they had to endure a joke-cracking doctor in dire need of bedside manner training (as so many are...).

She writes:

"Last night I had the strong urge to hold S in my arms again. Just one more time. Instead, I hugged a doll that I found at Target that shares her name. A poor replacement. I can't hold her. I can't even dream about her. My heart aches and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

It's all such hard work. Healing, living, surviving, remembering, grieving. People who don't know don't always realize exactly how hard it is. They don't realize that we have to work to makes sense of our worlds - and just how exhausting that task can be.

They don't get that, as Angel Mom demonstrates, it goes on for years.

At the request of two people (and because it happens to fit here) this is one of my own blog entries.

it's a little rant-y, but I'd just read a blog written by someone who lost twins only a few months ago. She's being told by her family that she's being selfish by not "getting on with things". She's being told how to heal by people who haven't got a clue what she's healing from.

And that made me angrier than I've been in a very long time. Partly because I worry that some of my family and friends think this of me, but mostly because I'm outraged that someone who doesn't understand would think it at all appropriate to put limits and restrictions on someone else's sorrow.

I just wanted to show that the monster of grief sometimes lies in wait, even when you think everything is just fine. Even when you've worked very hard to make sense of the world and your place in it.

I'll always try to find meaning and purpose in Thomas' life. It's what I believe I have to do to survive losing him and what I know I have to do to find happiness in this life I'm living without him. I know I'll still have agonizing days like Angel Mom's and I know I'll take refuge in reflective days like Missing One's. It's okay that this is the way it is.

It really is. No matter what anyone says.

Submitting Your Blog

2007-07-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

I will be away for a couple of weeks, so I will not be able to add any new blogs to the Directory until I return. Please continue to email submissions and they will be added as soon as I return.

~ delphi

In place of the roundup due to illness...

2007-07-08T14:58:00.000-07:00

I'm sick (nothing like a summer cold to screw up a perfectly good weekend) so I'm doing something in place of the blog roundup until I can concentrate on something other than blowing my nose.

I'm doing a meme.

I know we're all here because we blog (so clearly we don't need to be encouraged to share what's in our heads), but sometimes it helps to be asked to talk about something. Sometimes having permission to talk about what's in your heart feels really, really good.

So I'm asking.

Answer all the following questions or none of them. Answer them in your head, or on your own blog, or on paper, or in the comments section. Whatever feels right to you.

1. What do you want people to know about the child (or children) you have lost?
2. What names did you give (or plan to give) your children and why?
3. What rituals or ways of memorializing your children seem to best help you cope with their loss?
4. What are the kindest and/or most helpful things people have said to you? What are the worst?
5. Who is your hero? Who helps you make it through the dark days better than anyone else on the planet?
6. Is there anything you need to say or want to say but haven't been able to? Can you say it now?
7. How are you doing? How are you really doing?

As I said, answer all or none in any way you feel most comfortable. And know that your answers, if you choose to share them here, are safe because we all understand. And we care.

NOTE: I'll do a proper roundup early this week. I promise.

Womb Rooms for Premature Babies

2007-07-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

A recent report on ABC news in the US reports on the use of "womb rooms" for premature babies.

Study Finds Serious Side Effects in Drug to Delay Preterm Labor

2007-07-04T12:32:00.000-07:00

SAN FRANCISCO (KCBS) -- A new study by Stanford researchers found that magnesium sulfate, used to delay preterm labor in women, has side effects that include vomiting, shortness of breath and double vision.

Researchers compared magnesium sulfate to another drug called nifedipine, which they say often leaves women feeling better, and has a much lower rate of causing the serious side effects.

In terms of delaying delivery, there are no differences between the two drugs, according to Dr. Deidre Lyell of Stanford University's Lucille Packard Children's Hospital. "With magnesium, the side effects that we saw most commonly were things that are pretty unpleasant. Vomiting, shortness of breath, lethargy, blurry vision, double vision, so to a woman who is actually in preterm labor and trying to face the terrorizing prospect that she may have a very premature newborn, it's pretty troubling to lay on those side effects on top of all the other anxiety," Lyell said.

Researchers also found no difference in the birth weight of infants who received magnesium and those who were given nifedipine. However, Lyell says nifedipine does lower blood pressure by about 10 percent, and for that reason, can be dangerous for women who already have low pressure. "We're all different biologically and what works well with one person may not work as well with another," she said. In one rare case a woman on nifedipine had a heart attack.

Lyell said neither drug should be used unless a doctor is certain the woman is in labor.

Link to this article
Listen to the full interview

New Zealand children’s picture book helps to cope with the death of a baby

2007-07-04T08:19:00.000-07:00

A New Zealand picture book aimed at helping children to understand the death of a baby in their family/whanau will be launched in Wellington by Mayor Kerry Prendergast on Monday (2 July).

What’s Happened to Baby? features illustrations by renowned Wellington illustrator Ali Teo, and helps parents and caregivers to guide young children through the experience of this difficult loss.

The book has been produced by skylight – the national support organisation aimed at building resilient young New Zealanders – in association with SIDS Wellington (Sudden Infant Death Support) and SANDS Wellington (Stillbirth and Newborn Death Support).

skylight’s resource manager, Tricia Irving, said What’s Happened to Baby? had been carefully designed to match a wide range of bereavement situations including miscarriage, stillbirth, cot death, and accidental or natural deaths of an infant or toddler.

“In this way it has been developed as a book that can serve and support a large number of bereaved New Zealand families/whanau,” she said.

“The death of an unborn or newborn child is extremely difficult for parents themselves to comprehend, let alone for their other children to understand. This book helps families/whanau to cope and deal with the grieving process together,” she said.

The book also features information to assist adults in supporting their bereaved children. More

International Infertility Film Festival Deadline Approaches

2007-07-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

The International Infertility Film Festival invites short film and video submissions from anyone who has anything to say about infertility or pregnancy loss - whatever stage you're at and whatever path you're taking. We encourage work from all types of film makers, including amateurs and even first-timers (the term is "raw talent") so don't be afraid to give it a go. You can submit anonymously or... nonymously, or pseudonymously if you so desire, and if you have an online presence we can link there, too. There is no requirement to make up words as I just have.

The Second International Infertility Film Festival will screen from Saturday, July 28th, 2007, and the theme is "Seasons". More information here.
~Bea

New Blogs Submitted This Week

2007-07-03T15:58:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

First baby from lab-matured egg

2007-07-02T05:15:00.000-07:00

This post has been updated with another news story on the topic of egg-freezing

The first baby created from an egg matured in the lab, frozen, thawed and then fertilised, has been born.

Until now it was not known whether eggs obtained in this way could survive thawing to be fertilised.

The advance spares women from taking risky fertility drugs that can cause a rare, yet deadly condition - ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS).

Canadian researchers told a fertility conference in Lyon three others are expecting babies by the same process.

The findings hold particular hope for patients with cancer-related fertility problems. More

2nd news story: Egg freezing boosts baby chances

Freezing can damage eggs. A new egg-freezing technique could give women a better chance of having a baby when they are older, say scientists. Freezing and thawing eggs has carried a high risk of damage, and of 153 treatment cycles in the UK between 1999 and 2002, just one baby was born.

The new Japanese-developed technique offers a ten times higher chance of a successful pregnancy. Using an antifreeze method, it has led to 11 babies being born, a European fertility conference was told. This technology opens up new horizons for medically assisted reproduction in women

The new technique offers hope to women whose fertility may have been damaged by cancer - and those who decide to put having a famly on hold. More

Weekend Blog Roundup - July 1st

2007-07-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get a little lost in my grief. It's not so much that I'm wallowing in it (although I do that too - sometimes you need to do that), it's just that I forget to focus on things that aren't related to my lost boy and my subsequent infertility. I forget to hunt for the happy things. Not the silver lining (there is no silver lining here), but just things in general that bring me joy or brighten my spirit or help me to remember that life is good. Even still.

This week My Beloved told me that he thinks we have a good life, it's just that it's got a hole in it. Like a chocolate doughnut, he said.

Like a chocolate doughnut indeed. Still lovely and sweet, but missing something just the same.

So this weekend I decided to go hunting for chocolate doughnuts among the ever-growing list of blogs posted here. I wanted to find little things that made me happy so I could show them to you and maybe make you happy for a little while too. I'm not purposely trying to ignore the sad, I'm just choosing to focus on the happy for a moment instead.

Because sometimes you need to do that too. And it's totally okay. It really is.

So to start things off, there's this beautiful poem over at Beaten But Not Bowed:

Those of us who have traveled a while
Along this path called grief,
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.

It wasn’t the person with answers
Who told us the way to deal,
It wasn’t the one who talked and talked
That helped us to start to heal.

Think of the friend who quietly sat
and held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
and hugged away our tears.

We need to always remember
That more than the words we speak,
It’s the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

~Author Unknown~

This touched me so much because it reminded me of a very dear friend of mine who was an invaluable source of support simply because she let me talk and talk and talk when I needed to most. I'm going to send this poem to her with a thank you note, because I'm not sure I really have properly thanked her for not being scared of me when I was in the deepest, darkest throws of that awful new grief.

This poem also reminded me that even when I feel alone, I'm not. There are people who care. People who will listen. And people who will always be there no matter what.

Chocolate doughnuts.

And here's a really, really good idea from MKV at Infertility I Wish I Could Quit You. She posted a list of resolutions for the month of July - just things she wants to work on and accomplish this month.

Brilliant. After all, why wait until January when you can make resolutions (or adjust any you might have made in a champagne haze back on New Year's Eve) right now? I'm all over this. I need focus very badly and I think this just might help.

Really clever chocolate doughnut.

Oh, and then there's this incredibly sweet entry from Lori over at Losses and Gains. She posted a picture of her son on his skateboard (an impressive action shot, I might add) and then wrote an open letter to us - to those who might see him in the street - asking us to be patient and kind to this beautiful boy she loves so much.

Reading the letter made me smile. Being allowed to peek into someone's heart at the biggest, most all-encompassing love imaginable will do that to a girl.

Total chocolate doughnut.

And you have to see the puppy that Wannabe Mom at One Big Maybe adopted on Father's Day for Wannabe Dad. So much cuteness. The fact that she joked he might be part bat (seriously, go look at this guy's ears) made me howl.

I love that they brought him into their lives. I love that he has such a good, loving home. And you know, I bet he'd love chocolate doughnuts if he was allowed to eat them.

Finally there's this little exercise that Caro at Third Time Lucky performed last Sunday.

She did what I'm sort of trying to do right now - she wrote down reasons to be cheerful. They included strawberries and dancing to Frank Sinatra. Nothing grandiose or unattainable, just simple pleasures that happened to be making her happy last weekend.

I know it's not possible to stay focussed on good stuff all the time. Sorrow depletes our energy stores and sometimes all that's left is just enough to keep us afloat. Barely.

But when energy permits, it feels very good indeed to hunt down the happy lurking in dark corners and bring it out into the sun to play. Even if it's just for a little while.

After all, no one ever said we were never allowed to smile again.

Now go look at Wannabe's puppy again. C'mon, you know you want to...

It can happen to anyone

2007-06-29T00:47:00.000-07:00

Gordon Brown is the new prime minister of the UK. Sadly he understands something about losing a much loved baby, suddenly and shockingly. It doesn't sound right to say "it's good" to have someone in a position of world power who understands the tragedy of losing a baby, but I guess you know what I mean.

When my first baby died almost a year ago, I struggled in the beginning to understand that I wasn't specifically chosen for this ordeal. It really can happen to anyone and can be completely indiscriminate.

Gordon Brown was the Chancellor of the Exchequer in the UK when his daughter Jennifer Jane Brown was born seven weeks prematurely by C-section. Her mother had a low level of amniotic fluid and Jennifer had IUGR. She was expected to be fine despite her low birth weight but she died ten days later after a brain haemorrhage, a common occurrence in pre-term babies.

I can imagine that, since she was born on 28th December and died on 7th January, the festive period brings back so many emotions for her parents.

Gordon and Sarah Brown now have two sons. Their first son was born two years after Jennifer Jane. Their second son was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis when he was four months old.

You can read an archive news story from 2002 about Jennifer Jane Brown here.

New Blogs Submitted This Week

2007-06-25T15:47:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

Weekend Blog Roundup

2007-06-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

I was musing out loud on Friday (while My Beloved and I were on the hunt for a new Christmas store that opened up in our town - an incredibly soothing thing to do on a Friday night, you should try it) about the fact that I don't think people realize how hard this journey is for us. How hard everything is. Normal stuff that those not touched by our particular brand of sorrow don't even have to consider, can be exhausting for those of us burdened by grief.

You have to approach everything differently than you used to in order to survive the ordinary. Trips to the grocery store where newborns seem as plentiful as apples and bananas, rollicking conversations about labour and delivery in the staff room, family gatherings where all the children are playing and laughing - except the ones you've lost.

They're all an assault to your wounded soul. And they all require a lot of effort to endure. Work. We have to work harder at life than people who don't understand will ever know.

And maybe it doesn't matter that they'll never quite "get" how much effort we now put into our lives in order to make them livable and happy. But sometimes I just want to take them by the shoulders and shake them and tell them that it IS hard. Harder than they can possibly imagine. All of it. Every day.

Sometimes I want the world to understand so badly I could scream.

Janna at In Search of the Stork blogged about this on Thursday. While filling in for an absentee babysitter, she has twice had to field questions from strangers about the children they believed were hers.

"God I wish I had kids of my own! I want to be able to answer everyone's questions about my kids! I don't want to have to keep telling people I'm just their babysitter."

For someone not touched by loss, these questions wouldn't carry with them any particular discomfort or agony. But for someone like Janna, who has miscarried two very wanted children, it was agonizing. A stab in the heart is how she describes it.

Indeed.

Niobe blogged about this phenomenon too - about how normal things just aren't normal anymore, and about how sometimes we have no control over how we're going to handle that reality.

She went to a party, but as soon as she stepped into the house she found herself incapable of mixing and mingling. She is now "thinking bad thoughts" about her behavior that night...

"We went to a big party at my father's house last night. When we got there, everyone was listening to some indescipherable piece on clarinet and piano. One of my stepmother's friends, a woman I've known for years, saw me come in and smiled and waved from her seat. Suddenly, I just couldn't bear to see or talk to anyone. I went up to the third floor and sat in my father's study, listening to the music drifting up the stairwell and, later, to talking and laughter."

I understand (and respect) that she feels uncomfortable with the way she seemed to shut down that night, but I for one am jumping up and down and cheering her decision to do what made her comfortable. We don't do enough of that. We just don't. I can't count the number of times I've wanted to flee a situation (and I mean one that it would have been perfectly fine for me to flee) but I've chosen instead to force myself to endure personal discomfort to make others happy.

Sometimes it's okay to do what makes you happy (or, at least, what makes you less sad). It just is. So do it. Look after you for a change.

Because all that hard work - all the energy we use to make it through each day - it takes its toll. And then, as Rollercoaster of Love says so succinctly, you may find yourself buried under "the weight of a thousand worries".

Life isn't kind enough to just stop for a while and let us grieve in peace. It moves on and drags us right along with it, car payments, mortgages, health concerns, bills, toilet training, work conflicts and all.

It's why she woke up one day thinking, "I'm stressed beyond all comprehension and I haven’t figured out just why yet." Add grief to a long list of ordinary worries and you have a very challenging life indeed. It's why you're tired. It's why sometimes you snap at your husband when he hasn't really done anything wrong. It's why sometimes you just want to sit down and cry.

Chances are it's also why you blog.

And you know, the fact that so many of us do blog about our experiences gives me hope that one day more people will have a better understanding of the lives we're now living. It gives me hope that maybe one day the careless, insensitive remarks they make and the unreasonable expectations they have of us will cease to add to our already heavy burden.

It also gives me hope that we'll understand ourselves better too. And forgive ourselves when we're just too tired to work so hard and opt instead to give ourselves the break we deserve. And have earned - in spades.

New Blogs Submitted This Week

2007-06-19T11:09:00.000-07:00

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers: