How to Use the Directory

Welcome to the Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Directory. This blog is maintained by volunteers to act like a "telephone book" for blogs dealing with the loss of a baby. It is open to anyone who has ever lost a baby in any way - we do not discriminate by age of your baby or circumstance of your loss. If you think you belong here, then we think you belong here.

When you submit your blog, it is manually added to the list, so it may take some time for it to appear on the list. When you submit your information as requested below, it is easier to spot those emails that have been redirected into the spam mail.

Blogs are listed by category of loss. This is to help you find blogs that deal with circumstances that may be similar to yours. That being said, it can be a moving and healing experience to read the blogs of people who's loss is not similar to yours. You are welcome to read any of the blogs listed here.

Though there could be literally thousands of categories of loss, we have created 4 broad categories: before 20 weeks, after 20 weeks, after birth, and medical termination. Please note that most blogs dealing with extreme prematurity are listed in the "after birth" category even though the gestational age might suggest a different category.

As a warning to those feeling particularly fragile, many of the blogs listed here discuss living children or subsequent pregnancies. In the sidebar links, those blogs are usually marked with an asterisk(*). However, the circumstances of individual bloggers will change, and sometimes the listings do not get updated. It is possible to encounter pictures of living children or pregnant bellies on the blogs listed here.

We also have a list of resources (books), online links, and online publications that you may find useful. Scroll all the way to the bottom of the page to see the full listing of links.

We are so sorry the loss of a beloved child has brought you here. We hope that you will find some solace within the community that has gathered.
Please help us set up this resource for grieving families by:


A. Submitting your blog information
(Email Subject: Please Add My Blog)
  • The link to your blog
  • The title of your blog
  • The topic of your blog (see sidebar - Personal Blogs)
  • If your blog discusses living children or subsequent pregnancy after loss

B. Submitting links to helpful web resources
(Email Subject: Please Add This Link)

C. Submitting titles of helpful reading materials or videos/films
(Email Subject: Please Add This Resource)

D. Adding a link to this site from your blog


Sunday, July 1, 2007

Weekend Blog Roundup - July 1st

Sometimes I get a little lost in my grief. It's not so much that I'm wallowing in it (although I do that too - sometimes you need to do that), it's just that I forget to focus on things that aren't related to my lost boy and my subsequent infertility. I forget to hunt for the happy things. Not the silver lining (there is no silver lining here), but just things in general that bring me joy or brighten my spirit or help me to remember that life is good. Even still.

This week My Beloved told me that he thinks we have a good life, it's just that it's got a hole in it. Like a chocolate doughnut, he said.

Like a chocolate doughnut indeed. Still lovely and sweet, but missing something just the same.

So this weekend I decided to go hunting for chocolate doughnuts among the ever-growing list of blogs posted here. I wanted to find little things that made me happy so I could show them to you and maybe make you happy for a little while too. I'm not purposely trying to ignore the sad, I'm just choosing to focus on the happy for a moment instead.

Because sometimes you need to do that too. And it's totally okay. It really is.

So to start things off, there's this beautiful poem over at Beaten But Not Bowed:

Those of us who have traveled a while
Along this path called grief,
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.

It wasn’t the person with answers
Who told us the way to deal,
It wasn’t the one who talked and talked
That helped us to start to heal.

Think of the friend who quietly sat
and held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
and hugged away our tears.

We need to always remember
That more than the words we speak,
It’s the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

~Author Unknown~

This touched me so much because it reminded me of a very dear friend of mine who was an invaluable source of support simply because she let me talk and talk and talk when I needed to most. I'm going to send this poem to her with a thank you note, because I'm not sure I really have properly thanked her for not being scared of me when I was in the deepest, darkest throws of that awful new grief.

This poem also reminded me that even when I feel alone, I'm not. There are people who care. People who will listen. And people who will always be there no matter what.

Chocolate doughnuts.

And here's a really, really good idea from MKV at Infertility I Wish I Could Quit You. She posted a list of resolutions for the month of July - just things she wants to work on and accomplish this month.

Brilliant. After all, why wait until January when you can make resolutions (or adjust any you might have made in a champagne haze back on New Year's Eve) right now? I'm all over this. I need focus very badly and I think this just might help.

Really clever chocolate doughnut.

Oh, and then there's this incredibly sweet entry from Lori over at Losses and Gains. She posted a picture of her son on his skateboard (an impressive action shot, I might add) and then wrote an open letter to us - to those who might see him in the street - asking us to be patient and kind to this beautiful boy she loves so much.

Reading the letter made me smile. Being allowed to peek into someone's heart at the biggest, most all-encompassing love imaginable will do that to a girl.

Total chocolate doughnut.

And you have to see the puppy that Wannabe Mom at One Big Maybe adopted on Father's Day for Wannabe Dad. So much cuteness. The fact that she joked he might be part bat (seriously, go look at this guy's ears) made me howl.

I love that they brought him into their lives. I love that he has such a good, loving home. And you know, I bet he'd love chocolate doughnuts if he was allowed to eat them.

Finally there's this little exercise that Caro at Third Time Lucky performed last Sunday.

She did what I'm sort of trying to do right now - she wrote down reasons to be cheerful. They included strawberries and dancing to Frank Sinatra. Nothing grandiose or unattainable, just simple pleasures that happened to be making her happy last weekend.

I know it's not possible to stay focussed on good stuff all the time. Sorrow depletes our energy stores and sometimes all that's left is just enough to keep us afloat. Barely.

But when energy permits, it feels very good indeed to hunt down the happy lurking in dark corners and bring it out into the sun to play. Even if it's just for a little while.

After all, no one ever said we were never allowed to smile again.

Now go look at Wannabe's puppy again. C'mon, you know you want to...

1 comment:

Caro said...

That puppy is cute!