How to Use the Directory

Welcome to the Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Directory. This blog is maintained by volunteers to act like a "telephone book" for blogs dealing with the loss of a baby. It is open to anyone who has ever lost a baby in any way - we do not discriminate by age of your baby or circumstance of your loss. If you think you belong here, then we think you belong here.

When you submit your blog, it is manually added to the list, so it may take some time for it to appear on the list. When you submit your information as requested below, it is easier to spot those emails that have been redirected into the spam mail.

Blogs are listed by category of loss. This is to help you find blogs that deal with circumstances that may be similar to yours. That being said, it can be a moving and healing experience to read the blogs of people who's loss is not similar to yours. You are welcome to read any of the blogs listed here.

Though there could be literally thousands of categories of loss, we have created 4 broad categories: before 20 weeks, after 20 weeks, after birth, and medical termination. Please note that most blogs dealing with extreme prematurity are listed in the "after birth" category even though the gestational age might suggest a different category.

As a warning to those feeling particularly fragile, many of the blogs listed here discuss living children or subsequent pregnancies. In the sidebar links, those blogs are usually marked with an asterisk(*). However, the circumstances of individual bloggers will change, and sometimes the listings do not get updated. It is possible to encounter pictures of living children or pregnant bellies on the blogs listed here.

We also have a list of resources (books), online links, and online publications that you may find useful. Scroll all the way to the bottom of the page to see the full listing of links.

We are so sorry the loss of a beloved child has brought you here. We hope that you will find some solace within the community that has gathered.
Please help us set up this resource for grieving families by:


A. Submitting your blog information
(Email Subject: Please Add My Blog)
  • The link to your blog
  • The title of your blog
  • The topic of your blog (see sidebar - Personal Blogs)
  • If your blog discusses living children or subsequent pregnancy after loss

B. Submitting links to helpful web resources
(Email Subject: Please Add This Link)

C. Submitting titles of helpful reading materials or videos/films
(Email Subject: Please Add This Resource)

D. Adding a link to this site from your blog


Sunday, December 2, 2007

My baby was put in a shared grave

Years after losing her son through hospital blunders, Alvina Carrington discovered a new horror
Denis Campbell, health correspondent
Sunday December 2, 2007
The Observer

In late 2004, on a visit to her son's grave, Alvina Carrington was surprised to find fresh flowers. 'I knew I hadn't put them there, so I thought it was odd,' she recalls. But Alvina assumed a friend or member of her family had brought them, and was touched someone had made the journey to Alperton cemetery on the north-west fringes of London to remember Luke, who had been stillborn at seven months.

After his death in October 2003 Alvina's life fell apart. She had lost the first child she desperately wanted and had spent six years trying for. An appalling series of blunders by doctors and midwives meant her pre-eclampsia went unidentified, with fatal consequences. Amid the shock, grief and anger, her relationship broke up. Previously very sociable, the 33-year-old became introverted and virtually housebound. She gave up her job, unable to stop crying every night after she got home. Alvina thought she had reached the lowest point of her life.

But more than a year after that trip to the cemetery, in early 2006, she suffered another heartbreak. In the course of asking what sort of headstone she could put on Luke's grave, Alvina discovered that what she thought was her son's final resting place also contained the bodies of several other babies. The flowers were for one of them, not Luke.

'I'd rung the cemetery, told them Luke was buried there, given them the plot number and asked them what size of headstone I could erect. I'd decided that I was going to have gold lettering saying "Blue: in our hearts always", because that was the nickname I'd given him, and then 'Luke' underneath.

'That would have been the final act. But the cemetery people explained to me that it wasn't my property, that it belonged to Brent Council, that I'd need to get their permission for the headstone and that there were other babies in the grave,' says Alvina. 'I was devastated. I thought it was Luke's grave and only Luke's grave, and that it was my property. I thought the cemetery had got it wrong. But they said to me: "It should have been explained to you that the grave belongs to the council and that other babies are there."

'I wanted to know how many other babies were in there beside Luke, and whether they were on top of each other or side by side. I wanted to know if there was another baby on top of Luke.'


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