How to Use the Directory

Welcome to the Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Directory. This blog is maintained by volunteers to act like a "telephone book" for blogs dealing with the loss of a baby. It is open to anyone who has ever lost a baby in any way - we do not discriminate by age of your baby or circumstance of your loss. If you think you belong here, then we think you belong here.

When you submit your blog, it is manually added to the list, so it may take some time for it to appear on the list. When you submit your information as requested below, it is easier to spot those emails that have been redirected into the spam mail.

Blogs are listed by category of loss. This is to help you find blogs that deal with circumstances that may be similar to yours. That being said, it can be a moving and healing experience to read the blogs of people who's loss is not similar to yours. You are welcome to read any of the blogs listed here.

Though there could be literally thousands of categories of loss, we have created 4 broad categories: before 20 weeks, after 20 weeks, after birth, and medical termination. Please note that most blogs dealing with extreme prematurity are listed in the "after birth" category even though the gestational age might suggest a different category.

As a warning to those feeling particularly fragile, many of the blogs listed here discuss living children or subsequent pregnancies. In the sidebar links, those blogs are usually marked with an asterisk(*). However, the circumstances of individual bloggers will change, and sometimes the listings do not get updated. It is possible to encounter pictures of living children or pregnant bellies on the blogs listed here.

We also have a list of resources (books), online links, and online publications that you may find useful. Scroll all the way to the bottom of the page to see the full listing of links.

We are so sorry the loss of a beloved child has brought you here. We hope that you will find some solace within the community that has gathered.
Please help us set up this resource for grieving families by:

Welcome

A. Submitting your blog information
(Email Subject: Please Add My Blog)
  • The link to your blog
  • The title of your blog
  • The topic of your blog (see sidebar - Personal Blogs)
  • If your blog discusses living children or subsequent pregnancy after loss

B. Submitting links to helpful web resources
(Email Subject: Please Add This Link)

C. Submitting titles of helpful reading materials or videos/films
(Email Subject: Please Add This Resource)

D. Adding a link to this site from your blog

***************************************************

Friday, April 20, 2007

Friday blog roundup coming soon, but in the meantime...

It's a half an hour until Saturday and I haven't been around all day to write the Friday blog roundup. I will (it'll just be a day late, and I'm truly so sorry for the delay) but in the meantime, I thought we could all ponder something together...

Healing is different for everyone who grieves. The process I mean, and what you do to help yourself find the comfort, support, and validation you need to take those tiny steps forward into your new life as a grieving parent. Some people join support groups, some read books on loss, some seek counseling, some rely on friends, some volunteer, others write, knit, sing and craft their pain into something tangible that can be touched, heard or seen.

What did you do? What do you do? What has helped you find solace, peace or the strength you need to get out of bed each morning and function in a world that's so new, so difficult and sometimes so very sad?

Reading about the way you have chosen to confront and live with your pain may be just what another mother or father desperately needs to hear. So if you can, please tell us what has helped you survive your loss. If you have website or book references please include those too.

There really is strength in numbers.

4 comments:

delphi said...

For me, the grief journey is something that has consumed me. I joined 3 different real-life support groups in the beginning. I only continue with one. I read books about pregnancy loss, every one I could get my hands on. I read books about trying again. I read stupid novels as an escape from reality. I spent hours at the babycenter.com chat room, waiting for other people to chat with online. I joined a support listserve, where I met a wonderful woman who became a close online friend. Finally, I began blogging.

I collected everything that "belonged" to my son C. Anything that anyone gave us before he was born still, anything that was his at the hospital, anything that was given to us in remembrance of his life. I started scrapbooking what I could.

I also feel the need to create awareness where I can. I do October 15th events in my city. I started this blog. I need to try to draw a community of people with similar experiences around me. When I support other people, it feels like I am being supported.

Most important in my healing has been music. Making and listening to music. There is a soundtrack to my grief. There are songs that I will never again hear without thinking of C. I even tried my hand (without much success) at composing.

I collected everything that "belonged" to my son C. Anything that anyone gave us before he was born still, anything that was his at the hospital, anything that was given to us in rememberance of his life. I started scrapbooking what I could.

I also feel the need to create awareness where I can. I do October 15th events in my city. I started this blog. I need to try to draw a community of people with similar experiences around me. When I support other people, it feels like I am being supported.

Most important in my healing has been music. Making and listening to music. There is a soundtrack to my grief. There are songs that I will never again hear without thinking of C. I even tried my hand (without much success) at composing.

I continue to find new ways to express grief as it comes and changes.

niobe said...

What's helped me (though I'm not sure I'd recommend it to anyone else) is to try to limit the number of triggers for my grief. That means not saving baby stuff, concentrating my attention on work, not talking about the twins.

The one exception that I make is that, on my blog, I'll let myself write a post about the twins or my feelings about their loss and really immerse myself in my grief for a short time.

But after that, I tell myself, time's up and try to move on to the other parts of my life.

Tina said...

There are so many things I did to *try* to help me heal from my losses: Counseling, reading, meds, blogging, more reading, reaching out to friends and family who would listen, creating memory boxes for the items I had from my miscarriages.

However, there are three things that helped me really heal and come to peace with my losses: One is my charm bracelet my DH made for me, which has a charm for each of my angels and my DS. The second is just a simple statement one of my bosses made that kinda re-aligned how I thought about my losses. The last is how Dh's cousin really took my losses into consideration when she found out she was PG and not yet married (or engaged) - she could not terminate her PG knowing what I had been through, and chose to get married and have the baby.

So, it was the things that I never looked for or into that really helped me to come to peace with the babies I lost... Kinda like signs from God or my angels telling me that I would be okay, and they are watching over me.

Diana said...

Hello
My name is Diana and i have 3 angels. Our first son was stillborn and i had 2 early pregnancy losses.
I am into everything to memorialize them. Scrapbooking seemed to be a challenge, espcially to scrapbook my children without pictures
I created Just a Cloud Away support website and scrapbook kits for our community.
It is so difficult to grieve when there is no physical body. If it never happened to you, one cannot possibly understand the magnitude of grief
Sincerely
Diana