Friday blog roundup coming soon, but in the meantime...
It's a half an hour until Saturday and I haven't been around all day to write the Friday blog roundup. I will (it'll just be a day late, and I'm truly so sorry for the delay) but in the meantime, I thought we could all ponder something together...
Healing is different for everyone who grieves. The process I mean, and what you do to help yourself find the comfort, support, and validation you need to take those tiny steps forward into your new life as a grieving parent. Some people join support groups, some read books on loss, some seek counseling, some rely on friends, some volunteer, others write, knit, sing and craft their pain into something tangible that can be touched, heard or seen.
What did you do? What do you do? What has helped you find solace, peace or the strength you need to get out of bed each morning and function in a world that's so new, so difficult and sometimes so very sad?
Reading about the way you have chosen to confront and live with your pain may be just what another mother or father desperately needs to hear. So if you can, please tell us what has helped you survive your loss. If you have website or book references please include those too.
There really is strength in numbers.
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4 comments:
For me, the grief journey is something that has consumed me. I joined 3 different real-life support groups in the beginning. I only continue with one. I read books about pregnancy loss, every one I could get my hands on. I read books about trying again. I read stupid novels as an escape from reality. I spent hours at the babycenter.com chat room, waiting for other people to chat with online. I joined a support listserve, where I met a wonderful woman who became a close online friend. Finally, I began blogging.
I collected everything that "belonged" to my son C. Anything that anyone gave us before he was born still, anything that was his at the hospital, anything that was given to us in remembrance of his life. I started scrapbooking what I could.
I also feel the need to create awareness where I can. I do October 15th events in my city. I started this blog. I need to try to draw a community of people with similar experiences around me. When I support other people, it feels like I am being supported.
Most important in my healing has been music. Making and listening to music. There is a soundtrack to my grief. There are songs that I will never again hear without thinking of C. I even tried my hand (without much success) at composing.
I collected everything that "belonged" to my son C. Anything that anyone gave us before he was born still, anything that was his at the hospital, anything that was given to us in rememberance of his life. I started scrapbooking what I could.
I also feel the need to create awareness where I can. I do October 15th events in my city. I started this blog. I need to try to draw a community of people with similar experiences around me. When I support other people, it feels like I am being supported.
Most important in my healing has been music. Making and listening to music. There is a soundtrack to my grief. There are songs that I will never again hear without thinking of C. I even tried my hand (without much success) at composing.
I continue to find new ways to express grief as it comes and changes.
What's helped me (though I'm not sure I'd recommend it to anyone else) is to try to limit the number of triggers for my grief. That means not saving baby stuff, concentrating my attention on work, not talking about the twins.
The one exception that I make is that, on my blog, I'll let myself write a post about the twins or my feelings about their loss and really immerse myself in my grief for a short time.
But after that, I tell myself, time's up and try to move on to the other parts of my life.
There are so many things I did to *try* to help me heal from my losses: Counseling, reading, meds, blogging, more reading, reaching out to friends and family who would listen, creating memory boxes for the items I had from my miscarriages.
However, there are three things that helped me really heal and come to peace with my losses: One is my charm bracelet my DH made for me, which has a charm for each of my angels and my DS. The second is just a simple statement one of my bosses made that kinda re-aligned how I thought about my losses. The last is how Dh's cousin really took my losses into consideration when she found out she was PG and not yet married (or engaged) - she could not terminate her PG knowing what I had been through, and chose to get married and have the baby.
So, it was the things that I never looked for or into that really helped me to come to peace with the babies I lost... Kinda like signs from God or my angels telling me that I would be okay, and they are watching over me.
Hello
My name is Diana and i have 3 angels. Our first son was stillborn and i had 2 early pregnancy losses.
I am into everything to memorialize them. Scrapbooking seemed to be a challenge, espcially to scrapbook my children without pictures
I created Just a Cloud Away support website and scrapbook kits for our community.
It is so difficult to grieve when there is no physical body. If it never happened to you, one cannot possibly understand the magnitude of grief
Sincerely
Diana
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