How to Use the Directory

Welcome to the Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Directory. This blog is maintained by volunteers to act like a "telephone book" for blogs dealing with the loss of a baby. It is open to anyone who has ever lost a baby in any way - we do not discriminate by age of your baby or circumstance of your loss. If you think you belong here, then we think you belong here.

When you submit your blog, it is manually added to the list, so it may take some time for it to appear on the list. When you submit your information as requested below, it is easier to spot those emails that have been redirected into the spam mail.

Blogs are listed by category of loss. This is to help you find blogs that deal with circumstances that may be similar to yours. That being said, it can be a moving and healing experience to read the blogs of people who's loss is not similar to yours. You are welcome to read any of the blogs listed here.

Though there could be literally thousands of categories of loss, we have created 4 broad categories: before 20 weeks, after 20 weeks, after birth, and medical termination. Please note that most blogs dealing with extreme prematurity are listed in the "after birth" category even though the gestational age might suggest a different category.

As a warning to those feeling particularly fragile, many of the blogs listed here discuss living children or subsequent pregnancies. In the sidebar links, those blogs are usually marked with an asterisk(*). However, the circumstances of individual bloggers will change, and sometimes the listings do not get updated. It is possible to encounter pictures of living children or pregnant bellies on the blogs listed here.

We also have a list of resources (books), online links, and online publications that you may find useful. Scroll all the way to the bottom of the page to see the full listing of links.

We are so sorry the loss of a beloved child has brought you here. We hope that you will find some solace within the community that has gathered.
Please help us set up this resource for grieving families by:


A. Submitting your blog information
(Email Subject: Please Add My Blog)
  • The link to your blog
  • The title of your blog
  • The topic of your blog (see sidebar - Personal Blogs)
  • If your blog discusses living children or subsequent pregnancy after loss

B. Submitting links to helpful web resources
(Email Subject: Please Add This Link)

C. Submitting titles of helpful reading materials or videos/films
(Email Subject: Please Add This Resource)

D. Adding a link to this site from your blog


Friday, May 4, 2007

Friday Blog Roundup - No theme, just some beautiful words

Some people simply have a title for their blogs - a phrase that somehow just works to describe their piece of real estate here in blogland. Others add a subtitle that helps to further explain what it is they're dealing with and why they're compelled to write about it. I'm often blow away by the power of those few words, and found myself feeling that way when I read the An Invisible Minority subtitle.

We are a group of people that represent approximately two percent of the population*. We may look like everyone, we may act like everyone, but we have a constant thought in the back of our minds. We are thinking of our babies that didn't have a chance to live their lives.

It's so simple. So straightforward. So heartbreakingly honest and so very, very real. We do look just like everyone else, don't we? And yet there's more going on inside than the other 98% can even begin to fathom.

Melissa at Infertility, I wish I could quit you talks about her experience with church as a child this week, and finds herself thinking about prayer. So many of us wage epic battles with our respective Gods after we suffer the loss of a child. Melissa's trust in God and her ability to believe that he hears her through the clutter of her life no matter where she is, is beautiful.

I wonder about God a lot. About his plan and, specifically, about what happens to my prayers when they leave my lips. Melissa's entry made me remember a time when I didn't dwell so much on this - when I trusted more. When my faith was stronger.

"I've learned I don't need to have my thoughts organized and coherent. They don't need to be elaborate or profound. I don't need to set aside a certain time or place. God listens and hears a sincere, "Amen," wherever I am. I know someday he will grant me the desires of my heart - even if I voice them from a snore."

Her words brought me a moment of peace.

And then there's AJW5403 over at My Pain I Hide who has been tormented by feelings of loneliness lately. Her words tore at my heart. She doesn't understand why she can't find a place where she fits in - why she can't connect with someone.

But sometimes I just get so lonely. And I also have this huge fear of hurting somebody’s feeling and not knowing that I have hurt them. So that makes me a little paranoid to say too much to somebody.

Sorrow is lonely. It's many things (anger, despair, fear, pain) but it is certainly very, very lonely. I hope she finds a place where she is comfortable sharing her pain. And I hope when she does, she is welcomed with open arms by people who truly understand and will help make just a little of the loneliness go away.

And finally, there's Thalia who thought she was having a boy and found out it was a girl.

I had always known how much I wanted a daughter, so when I thought I was having a boy, I was aware of the loss involved in not having a daughter. After you'd all written me such beautiful and thoughtful comments, I started to understand better the wonderfulness that a son would mean. So now that I know that I am probably carrying our daughter, I have a sense of the loss that not carrying a son means. The answer is that only were we having boy/girl twins would we not be anticipating a tiny sense of regret. Not a major regret, not a big sadness, but a knowledge that in having something wonderful happen to us, we also have to let go of another tiny dream, a different life that might have been. I am delighted, but I am greedy.

It's so easy to love a baby - even a baby whose parts are still too tiny (or frustratingly hidden), making gender identification virtually impossible. Or incorrect. We love them - and we dream a thousand dreams for them. We love the idea of that mysterious little stranger so much, that we mourn the loss of their identity when there's a surprise midway down the line, like Thalia's little boy who turned into Thalia's little girl.

And then we turn around and start loving them all over again.

The idea that there exists love of this magnitude never fails to take my breath away.


niobe said...

This is a wonderful resource because, among other things, it introduces me to blogs and bloggers that I otherwise would have never known about.

Ruby said...

Beautiful words. Thank you for again sharing the bittersweet words of experience.

Also, as Niobe mentioned, it introduces me to blogs and bloggers.