New Blogs Submitted This Week

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

• Love, Hope and Faith
• Inca's Sewing Blog

Friday Blog Roundup - Beautiful Mothers

It's almost Mother's Day - a day those of us without living children dread, and those with living children endure with outward smiles and inward tears. For some it's the first one since losing a child, and to you I send wishes for peace and my hope that you will somehow find a way to celebrate the fact that you are a mother.

We are all mothers. We created life, no matter how small. We nourished it, no matter how long. We loved, we lost and we learned that, if given the chance, we would have died for those babies if it meant that they could live.

The love that grew along with our children is what makes us mothers. Be it 4 weeks or 10 months, we have been forever altered by the tiny lives that lived in us and by the tiny hearts that once beat in time with ours.

Emm at 13 Years into the Journey brings a perspective I don't think I've seen before in this little corner of blogland. She writes as a mother who has been mourning the loss of her daughter for 13 years. In her words I found incredible strength, and I took great solace in the fact that she shows it's possible to survive the loss of a piece of your heart.

I often wonder if I'm doing okay - if I'm putting the same amount of effort into my healing as I am my grieving, but Emm explains that the feelings of loss don't go away, even after 13 years. There will always be a measure of pain.

"There's just this feeling everyday that something is missing. It doesn't hit when I first wake up - or before I go to bed. It's in the little things of everyday."

What I'm missing now I'll always be missing. There is a strange comfort in knowing that. I'm glad Emm found us and I hope she continues to write about her daughter and her journey.

I will never understand those who must endure sorrow heaped upon sorrow. Please send Rosepetal some love and prayers. She is losing her second desperately wanted little boy next week. The love woven into the words she writes to her sons is breathtaking. It's so intimate and personal I almost feel like I'm intruding on sacred ground when I read her posts. I'm awed by her strength, and once again astounded, comforted and touched by the depth of mother-love.

Carole's post about a trip to the cemetery to visit her son Joseph with her daughter Abigail in tow nearly made me cry.

"We are heading back the van. She is holding my hand. She looks up at me and says..."Joseph lives with the doctors, right?". I try to explain the whole heaven thing again. I wonder if she thinks we left him at the hospital. There is no telling what is running through that 3 year old mind."

This is life for so many mothers (and fathers) - trying to make their lost children a part of their living childrens' lives, and doing all they can to ensure that those tiny souls are never forgotten.

Abigail's innocent confusion was what brought me to the brink. She will grow up understanding loss in a way many children never do, and as a result she'll have compassion and maturity beyond her years when it comes to grief and healing. But that she has to know such sorrow to gain such wisdom is utterly heartbreaking.

Steering her living children through the minefield of sorrow must be mentally and physically exhausting. And yet Carole does it with the grace, love and selflessness that only a mother can.

Finally, there's Artblog, who was tagged this week. Her task was to write an "I Am" poem that would give her blog readers a sense of, well, who she is. Her poem ended with this:

I am happy, I am sad, I am playful, I am glad,
I am grateful, I am mad, I am tired.

I am.

And isn't that life as a mother in mourning in a nutshell? We are so many things at all once - even things that seem to be in opposition to each other. We are all those things all at once because we have to be. And because, by some miracle, we're strong enough to be.

Happy Mother's Day

BBC News: Home spit test for pre-eclampsia

A UK hospital is testing a home spit kit designed to help mums-to-be spot if they are at risk of pre-eclampsia.

One thousand women in Chichester will try the test that reads saliva for tell-tale markers of impending kidney problems linked with the condition.

It is expected to be more reliable than traditional blood pressure and urine checks, the Chemistry & Industry magazine reports.

Pre-eclampsia can be symptomless and kills up to 1,000 UK babies every year. (continue)

New Blogs Submitted This Week

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

• Looking for 2 Lines, and Other Ramblings
• Andria and co.
• Special Survivors
• A Series of Unfortunate Events
• 13 Years into the Journey
• A cop, A nurse, 3 dogs and maybe baby?

Friday Blog Roundup - No theme, just some beautiful words

Some people simply have a title for their blogs - a phrase that somehow just works to describe their piece of real estate here in blogland. Others add a subtitle that helps to further explain what it is they're dealing with and why they're compelled to write about it. I'm often blow away by the power of those few words, and found myself feeling that way when I read the An Invisible Minority subtitle.

We are a group of people that represent approximately two percent of the population*. We may look like everyone, we may act like everyone, but we have a constant thought in the back of our minds. We are thinking of our babies that didn't have a chance to live their lives.

It's so simple. So straightforward. So heartbreakingly honest and so very, very real. We do look just like everyone else, don't we? And yet there's more going on inside than the other 98% can even begin to fathom.

Melissa at Infertility, I wish I could quit you talks about her experience with church as a child this week, and finds herself thinking about prayer. So many of us wage epic battles with our respective Gods after we suffer the loss of a child. Melissa's trust in God and her ability to believe that he hears her through the clutter of her life no matter where she is, is beautiful.

I wonder about God a lot. About his plan and, specifically, about what happens to my prayers when they leave my lips. Melissa's entry made me remember a time when I didn't dwell so much on this - when I trusted more. When my faith was stronger.

"I've learned I don't need to have my thoughts organized and coherent. They don't need to be elaborate or profound. I don't need to set aside a certain time or place. God listens and hears a sincere, "Amen," wherever I am. I know someday he will grant me the desires of my heart - even if I voice them from a snore."

Her words brought me a moment of peace.

And then there's AJW5403 over at My Pain I Hide who has been tormented by feelings of loneliness lately. Her words tore at my heart. She doesn't understand why she can't find a place where she fits in - why she can't connect with someone.

But sometimes I just get so lonely. And I also have this huge fear of hurting somebody’s feeling and not knowing that I have hurt them. So that makes me a little paranoid to say too much to somebody.

Sorrow is lonely. It's many things (anger, despair, fear, pain) but it is certainly very, very lonely. I hope she finds a place where she is comfortable sharing her pain. And I hope when she does, she is welcomed with open arms by people who truly understand and will help make just a little of the loneliness go away.

And finally, there's Thalia who thought she was having a boy and found out it was a girl.

I had always known how much I wanted a daughter, so when I thought I was having a boy, I was aware of the loss involved in not having a daughter. After you'd all written me such beautiful and thoughtful comments, I started to understand better the wonderfulness that a son would mean. So now that I know that I am probably carrying our daughter, I have a sense of the loss that not carrying a son means. The answer is that only were we having boy/girl twins would we not be anticipating a tiny sense of regret. Not a major regret, not a big sadness, but a knowledge that in having something wonderful happen to us, we also have to let go of another tiny dream, a different life that might have been. I am delighted, but I am greedy.

It's so easy to love a baby - even a baby whose parts are still too tiny (or frustratingly hidden), making gender identification virtually impossible. Or incorrect. We love them - and we dream a thousand dreams for them. We love the idea of that mysterious little stranger so much, that we mourn the loss of their identity when there's a surprise midway down the line, like Thalia's little boy who turned into Thalia's little girl.

And then we turn around and start loving them all over again.

The idea that there exists love of this magnitude never fails to take my breath away.

MISS Foundation Press Release

Presidential Hopeful Gov Bill Richardson Ignoring Pleas From Heartbroken Stillbirth Families: Dramatic Video Tells Stories

Phoenix, Arizona (PRWEB) May 2, 2007 -- When Governor and presidential hopeful Bill Richardson vetoed the MISSing Angels Bill (SB17) after it passed the New Mexico legislature with unanimous bipartisan support, the MISS Foundation vowed to launch an awareness campaign targeted at educating the governor so he wholly understands the issue of stillbirth.

The MISSing Angels Bill helps provide much-needed comfort, dignity, and documentation to women and their families experiencing the death of a baby just prior to or during birth. All states, including NewMexico, require the family to pay for funeral expenses, and a death certificate/report is issued after a stillbirth. Yet, some states refuse to offer women the choice of a birth certificate. It offers an option to women who give birth to loved and wanted babies who die unexpectedly to choose a birth certificate.

"I would assume that the last thing a presidential candidate would want to do is knowingly wound thousands of grieving mothers after their baby's death," said Daryl Logullo, Legislative Liaison for the MISS Foundation.

In response to the veto, the MISS Foundation has released a public service announcement that portrays the experiences of bereaved parents after stillbirth and is directed at Richardson's campaign. A very sensitive and controversial video, it speaks of the enormity of this public health issue. "Bill Richardson made a grave error injudgment, clearly being misinformed about this issue by his advisers," said Joanne Cacciatore, CEO of the MISS Foundation. Both the MISS Foundation and the National Stillbirth Society are calling for Governor Bill Richardson to offer a public apology to these bereaved mothers and families.

When Mother's Day Feels Empty

There are no words to completely describe what a mother feels when her child has died. She feels lost, abandoned, afraid, lonely, forgotten, and most of all empty. The emptiness is like none other because it is an emptiness of the heart. When a child dies, part of a mother's heart also dies.

Mother's Day is a traditional holiday that has grown bigger and bigger throughout the years. We are bombarded with advertisements to take out mothers for a special dinner or buy Mother's Day flowers. For more than a month before Mother's Day, reminders are placed everywhere. It's impossible to pick up a newspaper, listen to the radio, or turn on the television without some kind of reminder of Mother's Day.

There are Mother's Day banquets, Mother's Day baby dedications at church, and special family gatherings to honor mothers. All of this is wonderful except for the mother that is grieving the loss of her child. For the grieving mother, every reminder of Mother's Day is like another
wound to the heart. The hole in her heart caused by grief grows larger and larger with each reminder, and the emptiness feels darker and colder than she ever imagined possible. What is a grieving mother to do when there are so many reminders of the precious child she has lost?

Mother's Day is the only holiday that specifically uses the word mother, so there is no real way of avoiding this day. A grieving mother can, however, prepare for Mother's Day well in advance so that she knows how to avoid placing additional pain in her life.

Remember that Mother's Day is not a holiday that has to be celebrated. If a grieving mother does not want to attend a banquet, or watch baby dedications at church, or see special family gatherings at restaurants, then she has the right to choose not to participate in these events without feeling guilty. Many mothers choose to stay home and do nothing special at all on Mother's Day, and that is fine. Grief follows no rules and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Explain to others that this day is painful. Giving yourself permission to grieve in your own way is very healing and helpful, especially during such a difficult day as Mother's Day.

Do what feels right for you. Maybe that means taking a mini trip away where nobody knows you. Maybe it is staying at home. Perhaps a walk in the woods or a walk along the sandy beach would help you during this empty time. Journal your thoughts. Release a balloon. Or, maybe you want to avoid Mother's Day altogether. You know what feels best for your heart, and giving yourself permission to do what is right for you can be the most healing thing of all.

Lastly, remind yourself often that you will not always feel this empty. With each passing day new hope will enter your empty heart until one day you will wake up to realize that the empty hole is beginning to fill with some joy. Mother's Day is only one day. With a little bit of preparation you can make it through, and you will have walked one more step in your journey of healing!

by Clara Hinton, Silent Grief

New Blogs Submitted This Week

A warm welcome to the following Bloggers:

1. Surviving My Loss
2. Knocked Up...Knocked Down (Still Standing after Multiple Miscarriages)
3. Thalia's fertility journey
4. A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A MOODY PERSON
5. thomas woz 'ere
6. LifeCanBeAShit
7. The Impatient Patient

Action Medical Research News Release

New monitor to make pregnancy safer

A novel device for monitoring fetal heart rate will soon be reaching the unborn babies who need it most. It's the product of over fifteen years of pioneering work, supported by Action Medical Research, and will give doctors a unique insight into that is going on inside the womb. (continue)

Friday Blog Roundup - Why?

In those moments when I can't bear to be strong - when I just need to be honest and feel sad, scared and helpless - I let myself wonder why life dealt me the hand it did. I wonder, why us? Why did we lose our son? Why did I have two miscarriages before him? Why can't I get pregnant now? Why? Why? WHY?

Sometimes it feels like the most logical thing to do is stand on a mountaintop and scream obscenities into the wind, tear out my hair in great angry clumps and pound my fists into the ground. But instead, I simply carry on.

We all just carry on, living lives that are unspeakably difficult in so many ways, and being unable to answer that one simple question - why?.

Everyone has sorrow. Everyone suffers. Everyone struggles. But not like this. Losing babies is a special kind of hell. And it makes so many things so very, very difficult. It makes us work harder than we ever thought we could - until we're so tired we can barely see straight.

This week Caro, who has had two miscarriages, talks about a friend who asked her if she thought her husband would leave her because of their losses. Just asked it outright. Later in the week that same friend announced she was 15 weeks pregnant. Caro went home to cry.

Were it not for Caro's struggle - for the sorrow in her heart that she feels every moment of every day - the friend would never have questioned her marriage. And a pregnancy announcement wouldn't have made her cry.

Why?

Rosepetal, who lost her darling boy less than a year ago, is now facing the possibility of having to terminate her pregnancy at 17 weeks. They're in the midst of the agonizing wait for amnio results, and in the meantime they're trying to schedule life around the possibility of losing a second child. They're trying to figure out if they can get an oil change or if they'll need to be at the hospital that day instead.

The incomprehensible horror of this is beyond words.

Why?

In a heartbreaking post about fear, Mother in Mourning talks about what it was like being pregnant again after losing her daughter, Isabel. She was riddled with fear - fear that lasted long after her healthy baby boy was born safe and sound.

"I thanked God for allowing me to see him healthy and crying and I just knew he wouldn't make it through the night. When morning came and he was still fine I felt like I had just won the lottery. Now not only do I get to have him one more day but I didn't have to be whisked away and hidden from all the others new mothers so I didn't have to hear their babies cry. Again.

For about the first year of his life I just knew that every sound was him choking, every sigh his last breath and every goodnight kiss a final farewell."

As she says, it's never over, it's just better.

Why?

Why should any of us have to suffer like this? Why can't it be easy, as this waiting mother laments?

Why?

I don't know. I will never know. And for the rest of my life I will have days that I wish I could find that perfect mountaintop from which to vent my rage at the ungodly unfairness of it all.

But I do know this - we are stronger than we think, my friends. Stronger than the sorrow and anger and pain that makes our lives so different than we wanted - so different than we ever dreamed. And so very, very difficult.

The question may plague us until the day we die, but we have already proven - in so many ways - that somehow we can live without the answer.

MISS Foundation-Missing Angels Bill PSA

BBC News: 'I felt utterly devastated'

A report has revealed over one in 200 pregnancies ends in a stillbirth, a figure which has remained unchanged since the early 1990s.

Carolyn Bray's daughter Rebecca was stillborn in 2002.

She says: "It was my second pregnancy. I already had a son who was four at the time.

"I was full-term, just over 38 weeks pregnant, and I'd had a trouble-free pregnancy. (continue)

Thinking Bloggers

On behalf of all the contributors, I would like to thank Aurelia Cotta for nominating us for a Thinking Blogger Award. Because there are so many great Bloggers listed here, I would like to nominate a few people who I feel are representative of the depth and breadth of experiences we are sharing here.

~ delphi


Here are the rules:
1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).

1. Beka over at Hanna's Prayer. Beka is open in discussing how her Christian faith is helping her deal with infertility and loss.
2. Cecily over at And I Wasted All That Birth Control. Her insights into the recent US Supreme Court ruling on abortion are definately worth reading.
3. Erin at Vegetarian Mom. Erin has been sharing beautiful photography of her beautiful baby Birdie and her emotional struggles are she begins the heart-wrenching path of her grief journey.
4. Lori at Losses and Gains. Lori shares with us the beautiful journey of parenting living children while mourning for her missing children.
5. Drummer and DrummerWife at baby on your six. For sharing their beautiful son with us as they blog as a father and mother team.

In Turnabout, Infant Deaths Climb in South

HOLLANDALE, Miss. - For decades, Mississippi and neighboring states with large black populations and expanses of enduring poverty made steady progress in reducing infant death. But, in what health experts call an ominous portent, progress has stalled and in recent years the death rate has risen in Mississippi and several other states. (continue)

New Virus Found in Stillborn Babies

OAKLAND, CA -- A new virus discovered in rodents may cause stillbirths and other diseases in humans, according to a report recently released by the science journal Birth Defects Research. (continue)